Henry’s Music Blog

In my last article, I wrote about the Top 10 Great  Songs from Not So Great Albums. Well today, I’m doing the opposite, since you can’t write a list like that without a companion police. So here you go. These are…

The Top 10 Not So Great Songs From Great Albums

10. Dropping Plates- Disturbed

OK, this one might seem out of place, but I still feel it belongs. While the album is pretty goofy at times, Disturbed’s The Sickness is easily one of the best albums during the time of Nu-Metal, and even now, songs like “Down With the Sickness”, “Stupify”, and even their cover of “Shout” by Tears of Fears hold up surprisingly well. However, unlike the rest, “Dropping Plates”, the most typical Nu-Metal song on the album, still holds the stigma laid down by bands like Limp Bizkit. While the rest of the album sounds genuine, this song comes off as something for High School kids to mosh to.

9. Extraordinary Girl- Green Day

American Idiot was THE album to listen to during the middle of the 2000s. If you listen to music on a regular basis, you almost certainly know songs like the title track, “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”, and “Wake Me Up When September Ends”. Really, the whole album is great. Except for one song. “Extraordinary Girl” really is the album’s dead zone. I might not be the biggest fan of “Wake Me Up When September Ends”. but I can at least see why it was such a big hit. With “Extraordinary Girl”,the song doesn’t really seem to have a point. Compared to the rest of the album, it’s just bland and forgettable.

8. Star Me Kitten- REM

Now I love Automatic for the People. I think it’s one of the 5 best albums of the 90s, a true emotional triumph, and easily REM’s best album. But I can’t stand “Star Me Kitten”. For one, there really isn’t even a song to me. It has all the elements of a song, but they don’t match up. There’s your typical instruments, and Michael Stipe is singing about whatever Michael Stipe sings about, but it just comes off as “gospel noise”, if that makes any sense. It probably doesn’t, but that’s what it is. And the fact that it’s in the middle of an album like this is what really baffles me. You can do better than this, REM.

7. I Like Dirt- Red Hot Chili Peppers

Californication really was the start of a new saga in the Chili Pepper’s career. This was the album where they first really moved away from their funk-rock beginnings into a more melodic soft rock approach, which they’ve done for over 10 years now. The album also shows why it was necessary for them to move away from funk music with “I Like Dirt”, the funkiest, and worst song on the album. With “I Like Dirt”, they showed that they had simply run out of ideas for new ways to play funk. Goes to show why they haven’t revisited that territory in a while now. At least we still have Blood Sugar Sex Magick.

6. Epic- Faith No More

OK, this is kind of a weird choice for this list, but let me justify it. I like this song. A lot, actually. But is it a great song? Not at all. The song is stupid, and it created the whole Nu-Metal craze 7 years before it started. But The Real Thing? It’s one of the best albums of the 80s, due to the incredible talent of the band, combined with Mike Patton’s insane brilliance. And while this was just one of the crazy ideas they had, this was the one that got big. So yeah, I like the song, but is it good? Nope.

5. I Don’t Wanna Be A Soldier Mama- John Lennon

Imagine is one of those albums that really is a masterpiece, even if people only ever listen to the title track nowadays. Overall, the album has some of the calmest music you’ll ever hear, along with some great rockers like “Gimme Some Truth” and “How Do You Sleep”, and with a perfect pop song in the form of “Oh Yoko”. So where does the album lose me? “I Don’t Wanna Be A Soldier Mama”, a mess of noise right in the middle of the album. Not only that, but the mess of noise is a whole 6 minutes long, making it the longest on the album. I know it shows the horror of wars, but come on. And speaking of a Beatle…

4. For the Benefit of Mr. Kite- Beatles

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is often considered Rock music’s greatest moment. While it’s easy to argue that point, it’s hard to deny its importance in music since it came out in 1967 (personally, I prefer Revolver, but that’s just my opinion).  With classics like “Day in the Life” and “With a Little Help From My Friends”, your probably know every song on this album by heart. But that means you also know “For the Benefit of Mr. Kite” by heart. And for that, I am sorry. A novelty song in the middle of one of rocks most important albums, it sticks out like a sore thumb, and the music doesn’t really help matters. If they had taken it out, Sgt. Pepper would not have faltered one bit.

3. Gangland- Iron Maiden

Number of the Beast is one of the great Metal albums. Along with Paranoid and Master of Puppets, it is a required listen for anyone who wants to know Metal. Filled with classic songs like the title track, “Hallowed Be Thy Name” and “Run to the Hills”, the album is filled with classic metal. But “Gangland” isn’t one of those songs. Obviously a leftover from Maiden’s previous work with former lead singer Paul Di’Anno, the song is completely out of place with their new direction with Bruce Dickinson. With more of a punk sound, Dickinson is out of his element, with nowhere to put his magnificent pipes. It could of worked before, but it doesn’t now.

2. The Lady in my Life- Michael Jackson

Thriller is the classic pop album of the 80s. Still the best selling album world-wide, this is a record that everyone has somewhere in their home. And with songs like “Pretty Young Thing”, “Beat It”, “Thriller”, and most of all “Billie Jean”, the album is filled with classic pop songs. Except for two. First, there’s “The Girl is Mine”, an incredibly boring duet with Paul McCartney. But you can’t really see Thriller without it. But “The Lady in My Life” has no excuse. As the last song on the album, it’s a terrible finisher, boring and hookless, which are two things that don’t fit with Michael Jackson. If they cut it out, no one would care. But there is a song that beats it in not so great songs from great albums, and that is…

1. Wrong Em’ Boyo- The Clash

London Calling is my favorite album of all time. Bottom line, no questions asked, period. But “Wrong Em’ Boyo” really is what ruins it for me. I love every single other song on this album. Even songs that slipped away from classic status, like “The Right Profile” and “Four Horsemen”, I love. But wrecks “Wrong Em” Boyo” for me? Well first, the song just sounds goofy compared to The Clash’s better ska work. And secondly, there’s the remarkably unnecessary cover of “Stagger Lee” at the very beginning, which comes off as an unnecessary add on. And that’s the whole problem with this song. It’s unnecessary. London Calling is definitely not without enough songs, so just remove this song and make it the perfect album.

Hi everybody, and welcome back to Henry’s Music Blog, now back to the usual schedule. Something bothers me when I buy albums, and that’s when I buy an album for one song. Sure, sometimes you’ll find an album that succeeds your expectations, but usually, you’re stuck with one good song amongst a pile of crap. So today, we’re looking at:

Top 10 Great Songs From Not So Great Albums

10.  Get Ur Freak On- Missy Elliot

No matter what, I will always think of Missy Elliot has the better, earlier version of Nicki Minaj. They were both at their times the only prominent female rappers in the business. And during her time, she made two of the best albums during those years in Under Construction and Supa Dupa Fly. But her biggest hit was from her weakest album during that time. Miss E… Under Construction is the least remembered album during that time, but it brought her the biggest hit of her career, “Get Ur Freak On.” Sure, the song is awesome, but the rest of the album? Not even worth remembering.

9. Gone Away- Offspring

Most bands usually follow up their biggest album with one that’s not nearly as popular. And after Smash, the highest selling album on an indie label ever, The Offspring followed it up with Ixnay on the Hombre, an album that really was mediocre at best. Except for “Gone Away”. One of the best of The Offspring’s career, they never quite reached emotional heights like this again. Too bad the rest is meh.

8. Perfect Situation- Weezer

Weezer has had a long and storied career. After a stellar first two albums, their next two offerings were soon forgotten, and their fifth was hated. Make Believe is probably the most hated album in Weezer’s catalogue, and really, it should. Most of the album is just boring, and it just drags. “Perfect Situation”, however, is a gold star in a pile of wheat thins. As refreshing as Weezer’s older stuff, it’s too bad they didn’t go in this direction more.

7. Pepper- Butthole Surfers

Even when the Butthole Surfers were unlistenable, they were at least always interesting. The one exception to that, however, is Electriclarryland, their second to last album. It may have been that it was the 90s, and weirdness had taken over, but that’s no excuse for how comparatively dull this album is, along with one of the worst album covers in history. The only song that really works on the album is “Pepper”, the Beck parody that ended up becoming their biggest hit. Was it as bizarre as what came before? No, but it’s still a bizarre, catchy little number.

6. In the Air Tonight- Phil Collins

I hate Phil Collins. I hate Genesis (I like Peter Gabriel). I hate the album Face Value. It, just like the rest of Phil Collin’s work, is just lame soft rock that would make great ambient music if it wasn’t so bad. But there is one good song here. “In the Air Tonight” manages to be the one shining star in Phil Collin’s toilet of a career. Maybe it’s the eerie synthesizers, maybe it’s the awesome buildup, maybe it’s the drum fill (you know the one), but something about the song just works. Shame about “Su-Su-Sudio”, though.

5. Paper Planes- MIA

Ok, I’m going to admit up front; I don’t like Kala. I feel it’s massively overrated, it’s just chaotic, and that the first album is far better. Yeah, send me as many angry comments as you want, but it still stands. I don’t like this album. That said, “Paper Planes” is a damn good song. Unlike the rest of the album, the song has an actual hook, it’s melodic, it’s catchy, and it’s just a well made song. So yeah, I like this song. So don’t make me put my flame shields up.

4. This is England- The Clash

Cut the Crap is a piece of crap. OH MY GOD LOOK AT ME I’M SO CLEVER. But anyway, the album really is one huge blemish on The Clash’s otherwise untouchable career. So I guess it goes to show how even like this can have one good song. Sure, “This is England” isn’t a “London Calling” or a “Complete Control”, but it’s still a damn good song, and easily the best song on this turd. So let’s now all forget this album exists.

3. Infected- Bad Religion

I admit, ever since I was little, I’ve been a Bad Religion fan. Against the Grain is one of my favorite albums period. But Stranger Than Fiction never really did anything for me. Sure, it’s still stronger than most music at that time, but it was still only decent. Except one song. “Infected” really is Bad Religion’s defining song. Everything about the song just simply works, from the melody to the lyrics to the solo. Get the album if you want, but get the song as a definite.

2.  Beautiful- Eminem

Relapse is absolute garbage. That’s all it is. The whole album is Eminem making dirty jokes with a bad indian accent. You don’t go much lower than that after songs like “Stan”. But even this piece of shit has a good song on it, with the help of Queen. “Beautiful” is one of Eminem’s better angsty songs, and it really does show how effective sampling can be in certain situations. So yeah, avoid the album at all costs, but definitely pick up the song.

1. Spirit in the Sky- Norman Greenbaum

The song is one of the greatest christian rock songs of all time, has what is considered on of the greatest riffs ever, and was ranked #333 on Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. The album doesn’t even have its own wikipedia page. I think you can figure this one out.

Next up, on Saturday: Top 10 Not So Great Songs On Great Albums

Hello everybody. Before I start this article, I am happy to inform you that this Wednesday, I’m going back to my old schedule of Sundays and Wednesdays, due to school being out for the summer. I’ll also be publishing 2 articles on the next three Sundays to make up for the ones I missed before. Anyway, on to the article.

The idea of the super-group is often promising, but is often not used to its advantage. Often times, the artists involved have the ability to make it work, but often the concept falls flat. But before we examine this, I think it’s best that I define my definition of a super-group. A super-group must consist of three or more members who have all had success before, come from two or more backgrounds, and were around for more than a few singles. So now, let’s look at the history of the super-group.

With most music historians, the commonly agreed on start of the super-group was in 1966 was Cream, one of the most critically acclaimed bands of all time. While Eric Clapton was the only one who was an extremely well known figure beforehand, all three had come from successful bands before, though none were as popular as Cream became. Afterwards, many other musicians realized that they could also join together for other groups, and thus the super-group became relatively common in the 70s, with many bands you may not even realize were super-groups, like Fleetwood Mac and Journey.

And during this time, there were other bands that were a form of reverse super-group, where every member managed to have a bigger career afterwards, like the Beatles, Pink Floyd, the Yardbirds, Genesis, and Yes. And with some bands, the only thing that kept a line-up change from being a super-group was the lack of a rename, such as Van Halen, the Eagles, and Styx. Simply put, super-groups were everywhere back in the 60s and 70s. There were even some into the 80s, like Asia, Damn Yankees, Electronic and the Traveling Willburies. But in the 90s, they kinda just fizzled out. And I think it’s because people realized what often went on.

The main problem is this; the individual members are either too similar, or too different. If you’re too different, you sound cluttered and unfocused, like everything by Emerson, Lake, and Palmer. And if you’re too similar, it’ll usually be good, but pretty forgettable, like Audioslave(who also has the record for worst band name ever). But then, there are some bands where each member sounds different enough for it to come together and work, like Them Crooked Vultures. Simply put, having a super-group ca be a very mixed bag.

But now, in these times, it’s very hard to be in a super-group. While there are some that manage to be well known as a super-group, like Them Crooked Vultures or Broken Bells, others are simply thought of as bands, for a very simple reason; so many people have been in bands that any band can be thought of as a super-group without even being one. Apparently, fun is actually a super-group, due to all members being from other indie bands. You see how this works?

So yeah, that’s the basic story and faults of the super-group. As always, I hope you enjoyed the article, and I’m happy to get back to my regular schedule. See you next time!

Rihanna’s music has certainly changed for the worse recently. I remember back when she made songs like “Umbrella”, which is now considered a modern pop gem. But ever since the incident with Chris Brown, her music went for a drop, followed by a mountain. At first, she made songs that were understandably darker and angstier than her previous material on Rated R. But the album wasn’t as big a hit as was expected, outside of the single “Rude Boy”, so her followup album, Loud, was far more poppy. But since “Rude Boy”, every big song by her has become more and more about sex. First with “Only Girl”, then “What’s My Name”, and cultivating with “S&M”, which made my list of the worst songs of last year. After that, she took a step back with “We Found Love”, the first single off her follow-up album Talk that Talk. And that song became the biggest hit in her career. However, her next two songs off the album weren’t nearly as big as “We Found Love”, so now we have her newest single, “Birthday Cake”.

Before I start, I want to talk about the background here, as I find it rather interesting.  First, this is not the actual version of the song on the album. While usually, the single cuts off about a minute or so from the album, the original version on the album is an interlude at 1:18. So the single version of the album is a remix featuring… Chris Brown. Oh dear. Well, Rihanna featured on a remix of “Turn Up the Music” before, so maybe they decided to end this on equal terms. Still, as I may have said before, I don’t think this sends out the right message to young girls and abuse victims. Anyway, I’ve stalled enough, so let’s begin.

Birthday Cake: A Song Review

So the song begins with noise. The only other way to put it is 50 cars revving up out of time with one another. I’ve heard Sunn O))) songs with more of a tune than this. This is awful. Then a random bell rings and the lyrics start. So what’s the first line of this song?

“Put your name on it, put your name on it”

Ok, so, after looking at urban dictionary, the two most likely things this song is about is the vagina, and the ASS ASS ASS ASS. I’m going to go with ass, because that’s more popular to sing about, and this song being literal would just be silly. But if it’s not literal, then this makes no sense. Are you supposed to sign her ass? Do I sign it to get the Rihanna newsletter? What’s going on in this line? If you’re using a metaphor, don’t use something that only makes sense for half the comparison. I’m like a house, I have a front door. You see?

“Bet you wanna put your name on it”

No, I really don’t. Because I’m still confused.

“Come and put your name on it”

No!

“It’s not even my birthday”

So why is it not just a cake? I don’t understand slang anymore. God I wish I was listening to Cake.

“But he wanna lick the icing off”

Wait, if this song is about ass, then what’s the OH MY GOD.

“I know you want it the worst way”

God these lyrics are horrible. Sex songs don’t have to be this remarkably stupid. This song get’s stupider the farther you go in.

“Can’t wait to blow my candles out”

Once again, both sides of the metaphor have to work. It just sounds like you’re sticking candles up your ass. That’s not safe.

“He want that cake, cake, cake”

Oh great, it’s turning into “Ass”, now with metaphors. Artists need to learn repeating the word over and over again is not a smart move.

“Ooh baby I like it, it’s so exciting”
“Don’t try to hide it”

Ok, these lines aren’t so bad…

“I’mma make you my bitch”

Well, shit. If you’re being this forceful, why not just jump out of the speakers and hump the listener. God I’m tired of sex songs.

“I know you wanna bite this”

Really? You couldn’t use any word but bite? Christ this song is awful.

“It’s so enticing”

The way you’re describing it, it really isn’t.

After that, it just repeats lines from the song, until Chris Brown comes in. Who knows? Maybe he’ll actually improve it.

“Leggo”

My eggo?

“Girl I wanna fuck you”

Goodbye subtlety.

So, after that blatant attack on good taste, Chris Brown just says the same insipid shit as Rihanna, including quite a few of the lines. There’s one thing I have to note, though. In the repetition of the chorus, instead of Chris Brown saying he’ll make you his bitch, they digitally insert Rihanna over it. So, I would say that this shows they’re trying to avoid that connection, but in a way, it actually makes it worse.It shows that they knew that people would think of the incident, but did this anyway, like it was a publicity stunt. And somehow, that actually makes the song even more painful.

So yeah, if you didn’t already predict it, I hate this song. From the production, to the music, to especially the lyrics, the song is god awful. Skip it.

Score: F

There have been several passing fads in music, especially in terms of genres. We’ve had Psychadelic, Grunge, Nu Metal, and the boy bands of the late 90s. But back in the 80s, music had separated into Heavy Metal and synthesizer driven pop music. But then an unseen force came, combining the two genres to increasing degrees before finally imploding on its own debauchery. That genre was Hair Metal.

While Hair Metal really took off in the 80s, it started in the late 70s, and the biggest influence came in the early 70s, in the form of Sweet. While Sweet were around the same time as other Glam Rock leaders like T Rex and Slade, they distinguished themselves by amping up their music further. Adding Fuzz Guitar and their trademark ridiculously high vocal harmonies, they arguably created Glam Metal, which can be seen as the precursor for Hair Metal. Numerous Hair Metal bands have even stated outright that Sweet was a major influence, including Def Leppard and Poison.

However, even though Sweet was the major influence on Hair Metal, the first real hair metal album came out in 1979, with Van Halen’s self titled debut album. With the album, guitar playing was changed forever, with the Eddie Van Halen solo song “Eruption”. Creating the tapping technique, the style was quickly adopted into Hard Rock afterwards. This, combined with David Lee Roth’s performances on stage and a more upbeat form of Metal then what was popular during the 70s, is what launched Hair Metal into being Metal for people who don’t listen to metal.

Hair Metal can easily be divided into three different segments. First there are the bands that weren’t really hair metal, but had a sound that was just loud enough to be thrown in, instead of being called Thrash Metal, like Scorpions and Spinal Tap, the eighties Hard Rock that ended up becoming the most acclaimed, like Van Halen and Guns ‘n’ Roses, and the Glam Rock that became the face of everything bad about the 80s, like Poison and Motley Crue. But while all of these bands were different in sound from one another, they all shared one quality; shameless debauchery. There hasn’t been a genre since the Blues that has been this blatant about sex. A Hair Metal musician essentially spent their entire career in a whirlwind of cocaine, sex, and dressing up like a woman despite being homophobic. Really, the “dressing up like a woman” part is in the name. These guys spend more time on their hair then Madonna does on her face. But eventually, they got tired of singing about nothing but sex, and decided to sing about something else; love. And thus, music was ruined forever.

The power ballad has existed ever since around 1969 with Led Zeppelin’s “Babe I’m Gonna Leave You”, but truly became a well known aspect of music since Boston’s “More Than a Feeling” and Aerosmith’s “Dream On”. And when Hair Metal came out, since it was already partially pop, it was decided that every band had to have at least one power ballad in their repertoire. While some have become part of the rock canon, most notably Guns ‘n’ Roses’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine”, Most have gone down as some of the most embarrassing moments of the bands’ careers. It’s unlikely you’ll ever hear a song as boringly terrible as “Carrie” by Europe, especially since they’re more famous for awesomely terrible songs like “The Final Countdown”. Which shows the main problem with Power Ballads in Hair Metal. Hair Metal is an incredibly silly genre, where songs like this do not belong. Eventually, the string of power ballads ended, with Mr. Big’s “To Be With You”.

Eventually, though, Hair Metal had to end, as all music fads do. So who would be the ones to end it. Well, Nirvana. As soon as 1991 and “Smells Like Teen Spirit” hit, a new genre was formed for the youth of America. With the Grunge scene coming out of Seatlle (along with the Gangsta Rap scene from the rest of the country), Hair Metal was essentially pushed aside, replaced by songs built around much simpler wood work. While some bands changed their sound to great success, like Bon Jovi, and others were too popular to go away that soon, like Guns ‘n’ Roses, Hair Metal as a whole disappeared, with only a few bands like the Darkness coming around afterwards. And Visual Kei stayed EXTREMELY popular in Japan, but that’s an even longer story. And that’s the story of Hair Metal.

Essential Listening

• Van Halen- Van Halen
• Dr. Feelgood- Motley Crue
• Appetite for Destruction- Guns ‘n’ Roses
• Pyromania- Def Leppard
• Slippery When Wet- Bon Jovi
• Permission to Land- The Darkness

Back when I first started this website, for my second ever article, I did a list of my most overrated songs ever. For that article, I did songs that have managed to achieve critical success despite their massive shortcomings, at least in my opinion. But I decided that a list of the most overrated songs in history wouldn’t be complete without the other side of the spectrum, songs that have managed to get commercial approval, despite sucking out loud. So, I present to you:

Top 10 Most Overrated Songs Pt 2: Classic Rock Radio Edition

10. Two Tickets to Paradise- Eddie Money

Just like on the previous list, the first two songs on the list aren’t nearly as bad, but still count for the list. And really, it’s hard to find an otherwise decent song more undeserving of classic status then Eddie Money’s biggest hit. There’s nothing to overtly bad about this song, it’s just everything about it screams mediocrity. From lame lyrics to standard guitar to everything else, it’s just not all that interesting of a song.

9. Young Lust- Pink Floyd

The Wall is a great example of a classic album that doesn’t have that many classic songs. Sure, “Comfortably Numb”, “The Trial” and “Another Brick in the Wall” are all classics. But with those comes “Young Lust”, a decent enough song, but one that always seems to be mentioned along with the other great songs on the album. And it’s sad to think that with all of Pink Floyd’s big ideas, one of their biggest songs was just about meaningless sex. A decent enough song, but one that really doesn’t leave an impact.

8. Dude Looks Like a Lady- Aerosmith

And here’s where we get to the bad. Aerosmith made some of the set hard rock music in history… in the 70s. Like every other classic band, they really went downhill after 1979, making bland rock before playing nothing but ballads, which they’ve done for the last 15 or so years at this point. But really, the point where it was obvious Aerosmith wasn’t coming back soon was “Dude (Looks like a Lady)”. No longer do we have the classic riffs, or powerful vocals, or, more than anything else, balls. What we have here is the tired version of Aerosmith doing what they once rocked harder than anything else. “Walk This Way” this is not.

7. Any Way You Want It- Journey

In the previous 10 Most Overrated Songs Ever list, I included “Don’t Stop Believing”. And while I do consider that the far worse song, I do have a large amount of hate for “Any Way You Want It” as well. Journey was easily the worst of the arena rock bands at the time, with the exception of Styx, and all their songs are the equivalent of being bathed in mayonnaise. With “Any Way You Want It”,  we get everything that “Don’t Stop Believing” had, but only slightly less annoying.

6. Rock You Like a Hurricane- Scorpions

Scorpions are one of those bands that never managed to cross over to America, and thank god, because going by their biggest hit “Rock You Like a Hurricane”, there was nothing to differentiate them from any other hard rock band from the time. With a title that’s a lame joke, you know your in for one of the most generic experiences of your life, with nothing to it. I’m just glad I haven’t gotten around to listening to “Winds of Change” yet.

5. Love Shack- B-52s

I admit, I don’t see the appeal of the B-52s. To me, they seem like a band that made remarkably stupid songs that everyone fell in love with for no reason. But I can tolerate most of their songs, even the painfully repetitive “Rock Lobster” in all its stupidity. But “Love Shack” is just a painful song to listen to on every level. Nothing about the song works, from the boring instruments to some of the most annoying vocals ever recorded. I don’t care if the tin roof is rusted, I still hate this song.

4. Come Sail Away- Styx

As I said up in the Journey entry of this list, Styx is the only band that actually managed to be worse than Journey. With not a single tolerable song to them, they were completely intolerable 100% of the time. But what makes “Come Sail Away” worse then the rest of their material? Really, I’m going to need a whole other review to cover that, but let’s just say that everything about the song is awful. Wait for the full review coming soon.

3. We Will Rock You- Queen

I’m just gonna say up front that this song is a piece of shit. Queen is undeniably one of the best bands of the last 50 years, and made some truly classic music. But “We Will Rock You” is crap. There’s simply nothing here that’s interesting, with a stomp clap beat, one of Brian May’s least interesting guitar solos, and repetition. With each verse being almost exactly the same, the song just burrows into your head and never leaves. At least it’s short.

2. Rock the Casbah- The Clash

London Calling is my favorite album of all time. The Clash is my favorite band. This song sucks. Even the mighty can fall. Easily the Clash’s goofiest song, the song barely even resembles a Clash song, even after the genre hopping of Sandanista, simply being too poppy and not nearly interesting enough. With goofy organ and a band clearly near their end, it was clear The Clash were ready to end. Still not as bad as Cut the Crap, though.

1. Rock and Roll all Nite- KISS

KISS sucks. I’m just throwing that out there. Besides a few decent songs like “Detroit Rock City” and “Strutter”, KISS has done nothing but make music as a whole so much worse. And no song has managed to worm its way into the public consciousness while being absolutely horrendous then “Rock and Roll All Nite”, one of the worst songs ever written. Everything about this song is awful, and yet the song is still one of the biggest rock songs of the 70s. And that’s why it’s the most overrated song of all time (besides Blowing in the Wind).

Hello everybody, welcome to today’s post, where I start a new recurring feature on the site. I’ve noticed recently that in the world of music, it’s not always the musician who becomes important in the history of music. Sometimes it can be a movie, a show, music directors, or even politicians who become important aspects in music’s development. So, for this new series Root Notes, I’m gonna start it off with the most influential aspect of music during the 80s, MTV.

It’s hard to even remember nowadays, but back before the 80s, music videos were few and far between. You would pretty much get a video before a movie starring the artist, something weird by Devo or “Bohemian Rhapsody”. But then, in 1981, MTV debuted. Debuting on August 1st with the Buggles’ “Video Killed the Radio Star”, the channel quickly became a massive hit, even though the Buggles quickly joined Yes. The popularity of MTV is easily connected to the sheer simplicity of the concept; music videos around the clock. Now, instead of just turning on the radio and listening, people were able to watch a video of the music, which, while commonplace now, was huge back in the early 80s.

But soon, a controversy hit MTV, through the power of Michael Jackson. As we all know, Michael Jackson is the undeniable king of the music video, ever since the massive success of “Thriller”. So it’s hard to believe that when “Billie Jean” was first given to MTV for rotation, they rejected it. Not only that, but it was rejected on the grounds that “black people aren’t rock enough”. Due to being not only racist, but ignorant, The president of CBS records, Walter Yetnikoff, sent a letter saying that unless “Billie Jean” received airplay, no videos from CBS could be played. Sure enough, MTV backed down, and Michael Jackson quickly became the big draw, until the 90s.

Around the early 90s, MTV was at the front of the 90s counter culture movement. Along with shows like The Simpsons, popular culture quickly went to what used to be the underground, most notably with the character of Bart Simpson. “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, the biggest and most important song of the 90s, owes its popularity to MTV’s part in the movement. The Video Music Awards were effectively the movement’s version of the Grammys, with them now being more important. But the movement was what eventually brought MTV down.

Eventually, MTV decided to expand out of  simply showing music videos. At this time, they decided to branch out to actual shows instead of programming blocks, most notably Beavis and Butthead and The Real World. And this led to MTV becoming even bigger, leading them to produce more and more shows unrelated to music. Now, as one of the biggest examples of Network Decay ever, saying “MTV Doesn’t Play Music” has become such a cliche it’s become meaningless. And through Jersey Shore, they’ve reached an unseen level of hatred. Quite a long way from changing how music was seen forever.

Justin Bieber is a very controversial topic in music as of late. It’s rare to see something as chaotic as the internet, which can’t agree on whether nazis are bad, band together to hate a teenager. So you’d think he’d be a massive hit on the radio as well, right? Actually, no. On the radio and on the charts, he’s had very little success, with his previous biggest hit “Baby” only reaching #5, and other songs doing far worse, to the point where “Under the Mistletoe”, which charted for one week at #11, was one of his biggest hits. But now, we have his new single “Boyfriend”, the highest charting song of his career. So I guess due to his “popularity” on the internet,  I have to review it. So, let’s get started.]
(And as for why there’s no artist overview here, that’s coming up later.)

Boyfriend: a Song Review

So the song starts off, with a beat consisting of one snare hit about every second, and what sounds like a ghost whispering. And here’s the first problem with the song. This beat isn’t interesting, or new, or anything; it just sucks. This beat just shows they didn’t think it was worth it to put any money behind this song. Well now, the lyrics are starting, and:

“If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go”

OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS VOICE. Well, looks like we finally reached the inevitable; Bieber’s voice has finally dropped. Well, not fully yet; if you’ve seen any recent live performances, his voice cracks more than a mentally unstable vase. So now, they just have to pile on so much studio work, it’s impossible to even recognize him. And can we talk about this line for a second? That’s just creepy, dude. That’s Buffalo Bill level horrifying.

“I can take you places that you’ve never been before”

I’m confused about whether not this is a money boast, or just the most generic love song lyric ever composed. Either way, this is just a stupid line.

“Baby take a chance or you’ll never ever know”

Are you saying that if she doesn’t date you, she’ll never be able to experience you keeping her forever and going around the world? Because one is entirely possible on her own, and the other is probably illegal.

“I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow”

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN

“Swag, swag, swag, on you”

Oh, there we go. But now, you have covered up the lack of writing talent by repeating the word “swag” three times in a row. You’re just digging yourself deeper. Note to all song writers: STOP SAYING SWAG.

“Chilling by the the fire while we’re eating fondue”

You know, I’m not sure why, but fondue just doesn’t belong in a pop song. Something about it just doesn’t work. Here’s a list of words that not only rhyme with you, but work better in a song like this:

•   two
•   to
•   too
•   loo
•   crew
•   sue
•   rue
•   moo
•   foo
•   kangaroo
•   true
•   zoo
•   Fu Manchu
•  and many more

Once again, an example of bad writing.

“I don’t know about me but I know about you”

Once again, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN. A Justin Bieber song should not be confusing me. I mean, I know it’s him hitting on the listener,  but what does the line itself indicate? Does it indicate that Bieber is a stalker with amnesia. God I’m frustrated.

“So say hello to falsetto in three two”

Well, looks like we got a chorus coming up soon. Get ready everyone, Bieber’s gonna actually sing on this song.

“Swaggie”

NO

“I’d like to be everything you want”

Well too bad your audience is 12 year old girls. I guess you’re a pony. Have fun with that.

Also, now we have entered the dreaded chorus, where we hear the most pointless guitar in a song ever. Seriously, it’s woefully out of place. I’m betting Bieber himself played it while bored, and execs were too scared to say no.

“Hey girl, let me talk to you”

Well, I’m pretty sure you were doing that throughout the whole song. Now who’s confused? Still me.

“If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go”

Damnit Bieber, we already talked about this.

“Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone”

You’re really bad at sounding more “in love” and less “give me your skin”.

“I can be a gentleman, anything you want”
 
Well, you should be more of a gentleman and less of this possessive serial killer/stalker.

“If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go”

Yay, redundancy! And on to the second verse.

“Tell me what you like, yeah, tell me what you don’t”

Well, I don’t like this song. At all. You’re trying way too hard for sex appeal here.

“I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe”

Nothing I can say can make this line funnier.

“I don’t never wanna fight yeah, you already know”

You picked the absolute worst time to use a double negative. Way to go, Chris Brown.

“I am ‘ma a make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow”

You’re about 4 months too late, pal. They already shipped your christmas album.

“Girlfriend, girlfriend, you can be my girlfriend”

Yay, even more redundancy!

“You could be my girlfriend until the world ends”

Why so apocalyptic, Bieber? Nothing gets a woman excited like the apocalypse. Also, at your age, commitment isn’t the name of the game.

“Make you dance, do a spin and a twirl and”

Seriously Bieber, you are sounding like a MANIAC. THIS IS SCARY SHIT.

“Voice going crazy on this hook like a whirl wind”

See? Even the song knows he’s slowly going insane. Someone lock him up in a box.

“swaggie”

GOD DAMNIT

After this, we get another pre-chorus and chorus, followed by a bridge that’s literally the most generic thing I’ve ever heard. Nickelback covering Hootie and the Blowfish couldn’t be this generic. This is followed by another chorus, and a final… thing of him just going “na na na” over and over again. So, now that the song is finished, what do I think? Well… it sucks. Painfully so. Nothing about this song works, from the empty beat to the generic-to-terrifying lyrics, to the half-assed chorus. I think now is the perfect time for Bieber fever to disappear forever.

Score: F

Back during Super Bowl Weekend, I did an article on Nickelback, talking about how they don’t deserve the hate they have. You may remember that in my list of bands that do make awful music, I mentioned Insane Clown Posse. But while I did that article, I realized that, in all honesty, ICP probably has the largest hate following in all of music. So I decided to write about them. And before anyone says anything, magnets. Now that we got that meme out of the way, let’s talk about ICP.

Some bands are far older then the public thinks they are. For example, Pulp formed in 1978. And similarly, Insane Clown Posse formed in 1989. Originally known as Inner City Posse, they soon changed their name, and released their first album in 1992, Carnival of Carnage. They followed this up with more albums released at a steady rate, with the most recent, The Mighty Death Pop! released 4 days ago. This is a coincidence, I did not plan this. But while the albums are mostly forgotten to the 90s, what really matters is the story behind all the albums put together.

One of the few real concept bands, along with Coheed and Cambria, Insane Clown Posse’s albums are all connected by a theme. With the first cycle, The Dark Carnival, composed of their first six albums, each album represents a joker card, which are harbingers of the end of the world, revealed one by one in reverse chronological order. The next two albums, The Wraith and Hell’s Pit, are based around heaven and hell. And on the song “Thy Unveiling”, it was revealed that this entire cycle was actually about Judgement Day, with the idea of The Dark Carnival being a transfer place to hell. After a short break from this theme with 2007’s The Tempest, they returned to the cycle with a second set of joker cards, starting with Bang! Pow! Boom. I did not make any of this up. The band that wrote “Miracles” composed an entire cycle, made of albums more then 20 years apart now. I admit, I’m impressed.

But when people think of Inane Clown Posse, they don’t think of music, they think of Juggalos. Simply put, Juggalos are what happen when you want to rebel against your suburban parents, so think Limp Bizkit fans, but with face paint. And you will rarely see a more devoted fan base out there. They can often be found in herds, drink the soft drink called Faygo, and referring to the lyrics of Insane Clown Posse as “cathartic”. And through this fan base, ICP and their label, Psycopathic Records have expanded to movies and even wrestling. They’ve even been accused of being a form of gang. I don’t know why, it’s hard to imagine a more harmless group of individuals. There are even many famous people who are juggles, including:

    ▪    Chuck D
    ▪    Coolio
    ▪    Howard Stern
    ▪    Slipknot
    ▪    Charlie Sheen
    ▪    Vanilla Ice
    ▪    Tech N9ne

and many more. In short, Insane Clown Posse and their fans are a very complicated ordeal that’s really hard to understand. But really, if people like them, why should we take that away from them. People can like whatever they like, and that’s fine by me.

Magic everywhere up in this bitch.