Henry’s Music Blog

Looking at the hit songs of the year, 2011 was not a very interesting year for music. Pop music was at its most generic this year, mostly staying with club anthems and songs about how teenagers should feel better about themselves. However, among the mediocrity, there are a few songs that managed to stand out, for better or worse. And today, we look at the worse, with a special New Years post:

The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2011

10. Lighters - Bad Meets Evil

Back in 2010, Eminem needed a comeback. After two lackluster albums with only two good songs between them (Like Toy Soldiers & Beautiful), He got back on top of the rap world with Recovery, a good album, if a little slow at times. Eminem needed energy back, and he could have got it back with Royce da 5’ 9”, back with another round of Bad Meets Evil. But “Lighters”, if anything, slowed him down more. Pretty much the opposite in today’s music from Eminem is Bruno Mars, possibly the least threatening musician since Pat Boone, who brings his travel piano for one of the most generic, lifeless, and safe choruses ever. Coupled with one of Eminem’s worst verses ever, and Royce’s comparatively better, but still average verse, the song is one of the worst things to happen to Eminem’s career in a long time.

9. S&M - Rihanna

Rihanna has done some good songs. “Umbrella” in particular is one of the most loved pop songs in recent memory for a reason. But most songs by her give me no reaction. Except this one. “S&M” is one of the most chaotic and loud songs to become a hit in a while, but unlike Katy Perry’s song “ET”, it also manages to be completely awful. With some of the worst lyrics in recent time, even up to stealing the “Chains and whips excite me” joke off the bumper of a car, and a beat that smashes your head, the song is thoroughly unpleasant from beginning to end. And let’s not go into the fact that after the… incident with Chris Brown that we all know about, she’s doing songs about being beaten gives her pleasure.

8. Firework - Katy Perry

As I said in the introduction of this post, a number of hit songs from this year were about how you’re special, no matter who you are. And I know that this is because of the suicides based around bullying, and it’s important that teenagers learn that they’re worth living. But that does not stop this song of being the worst of the bunch. First of all, Katy Perry simply can not sing. One of these kind of songs needs power behind the message, and Kermit Perry simply can’t do that. Second, this is not the kind of song Katy Perry would do. This is a song Lady Gaga would do, and did far better with “Born This Way”. But Katy Perry had two songs in a row about making fun of homosexuals. And even with the music itself has nothing to it, with generic “heart-string pulling” melodies and synth strings so sincere it’s hilarious. Avoid this, and pick up “Born This Way” instead.

7. How to Love - Lil Wayne

If you’ve read before, you know that I don’t really care for Lil Wayne; even if he’s at his best, he’s overshadowed by another artist. But “How to Love” broke my tolerance. First of all, Lil Wayne is a worse guitar player than Fred Durst. The man simply can not play. Second, Lil Wayne can’t do love songs. Him making a love song, instead of a “I control your underwear with my raps” song, is simply wrong. But that’s not his fault; overall rappers don’t do many love songs, mainly sticking to sex jams. But the point that breaks me is that this is Lil Wayne singing. The song is more mumbly than a 9th grader giving a report for his Social Studies class. All you can make out in any line is him saying “How to love” at the end of every single song. And unlike a song like “It’s the End of the World as we Know It”, the incomprehensibility does not add anything to the song, just making it worse than it already is. At least he’s likely leaving the scene soon, from what I’ve seen.

6. If I Die Young - The Band Perry

Unless it’s by Lady Antebellum, hit Country songs are aimed completely at high school girls who just got dumped, and no one else. And by hit Country songs, I mean Taylor Swift, who has basically controlled this market, until The Band Perry came with “If I Die Young” as their biggest hit. Now, based on the music itself, the song deserves no reaction. The main problem is the horribly offensive lyrics in these days. With the songs about how suicide is a terrible thing, this song treats suicide as if it’s just a way to steal attention. All the lyrics are about how much more everyone cares after you’re dead, and forced on the ears on impressionable teenage ears. That’s just irresponsible.

5. Tonight, Tonight - Hot Chelle Rae

Let’s look at the three main rock songs that managed to break the charts. There’s “Pumped Up Kicks”, which is great, “Moves Like Jagger”, which was pretty good, and there was “Tonight, Tonight”. But the problem with “Tonight, Tonight” is that, unlike the other two songs, it’s absolutely terrible. First, there’s the problem that for one of the few songs by a rock band, it manages to rock less than most pop artists. The music is annoyingly catchy, and refuses to leave my head. And in no way does catchy mean good in this case. The song is just aggravating to listen to. But then there are the lyrics. The lyrics are some of the stupidest “Let’s go have a party” lyrics from this year, all sung with a big sneer of arrogance. And let’s not forget that the song does not sound like a “let’s get drunk” party. It sounds like a 10 year old’s birthday party. If you want Rock Music from this year, just go with Foster the People.

4. Tonight - Enrique Iglesias

I admit to actually liking “I Like It” a bit. But that does not save this terrible excuse of a song. First things first; the song makes it sound like Enrique is a date rapist.There’s no getting around the fact that the actual chorus is “Tonight I’m Fucking You”, as if it’s a command. Even beyond the lyrics themselves, the melody is awful. At first, there’s Enrique ooo-ing at us, like he’s trying to sound sweet. Then, the main beat is a ripoff of a Pitbull song, which is already harsh enough. But then there is the chorus, with more annoying synth slides then “Paparazzi” which at the very least did it well. The song is simply a headache every time I hear it.

3. The Time (Dirty Bit) - Black Eyed Peas

I know that hating the Black Eyed Peas is like hating Mar-mite. You’re going to have the people who love them fight you to the death over it, plus having the cliche of your typical “love it hate it” scene hitting you in the head. But they really are retched, dumbing down music more than anyone else could hope to. And off their most recent album The Beginning, we have their worst song yet. Starting with a hopelessly cheesy, utterly misplaced, and just overall wrong sample off of “I’ve Had the Time of My Life”, we are then put head first into some of the worst electro-club music ever made, with some truly awful rapping. Quite simply, Will.I.Am is not a Righteous Brother, and he shouldn’t try to be.

2. The Lazy Song - Bruno Mars

Bruno Mars has greatly disappointed me as an artist. I really liked him on Nothing On You, and loved his first 2 singles. Then came this song. And I could not have been angrier. Gone was the piano, in was guitar straight out of a Jack Johnson song. Out was lyrics of loving someone who hates you, in was lyrics about being an ass at home. Bruno didn’t fall, he plummeted with the release of this single. Everything about the song is god awful, straight down to the half-assed title. You can tell right off the bat this is filler that was made into a single. But there is a song that I hate more than this, and that is…

1. I’m Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO

Jesus Christ Almighty. I was not a fan of Party Rock Anthem,due to being stupid and sounding like everything else on the radio, but that was “Hey Jude” next to this travesty of music. The beat is the same 3 notes repeated to the end of time.  The lyrics are stupid to the point of an aneurysm. These two guys can not sing to save their lives. And the video makes me want to tear out my eyes. I do not want to see these men juggling their penises in front of my face. But worst of all is their history. These two guys are descendants of Berry Gordy of Motown. Think about that. Motown is possibly the best thing to ever happen to music, and it led to LMFAO. And also Rockwell. And that is why I’m Sexy and I Know It is the worst song of the year.

But it’s not all negativity. Join me on Wednesday, for the Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2011.