Henry’s Music Blog

I made a grievous mistake in the past. You see, in my list of the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2011, I had not listened to most of the songs that came out this year. And this was one of the songs that I had skipped over. It wasn’t until after I had published both lists that I was aware of this songs existence. And dear god, do I feel awful for not including it on the list. And this isn’t a “Lighters” or a “Firework”, this was up there with “Sexy and I Know It”. So, as my penance, I am taking a look at Chris Brown’s biggest hit of the year, “Look at me Now”.

Now, usually for song reviews from now on, I would include a summary of the artist, and my opinion. But I don’t want to talk about Chris Brown anymore than I have to, so I’ll just say that I hate him.

So we start off with some electric bloops, followed by:

“I Can’t See How You Could Hate From Our Side of the Club. You Can’t Even Get In. Hahahaha.”

Wow, right off the bat, and Chris Brown makes me want to punch him in the face. This must be a new record. When I want a club song, I don’t want to be laughed at by an 8-bit robot hanging in a cage. This is not starting off well.

We follow that up with a random drum beat, followed by Chris Brown rapping. Wait a second, Chris Brown is an R ‘n’ B artist. Why should he be rapping? You save that for a requisite terrible guest rapper.

“Yellow Model Chick, Yellow Bottle Sipping”

First line of the song, and I’m already confused. From what I can gather from my head, he’s with a woman who is either a model wearing yellow, an Asian spoken of in a derogatory sense, or a show room dummy, and they are drinking bottles of urine. It goes well with his shit-eating demeanor.

“Yellow Lamborghini, Yellow Top Missing”

And here, we go deeper into Chris Brown’s fetish for the color yellow, as he now owns an expensive car which he can’t legally drive in public, and through his car purchasing prowess, the models top flies off. So now we know that the model was wearing yellow, or at least was at some point in the song.

“Yeah, Yeah, that Shit Looks Like a Toupee”

Wait, what just happened? Did he just lose his train of thought? What happened to the girl wearing yellow? Are you still talking about her? Is she wearing a toupee, and you just found this out? Maybe you should pay more attention during the conversation. Or maybe he pulled a Drake, and just starting bragging about how rich he is, and how we’re all beneath him. I hope it’s the former. At least it would make the song more interesting.

“I Get What You Get in 10 Years, in 2 Days”

I knew I was wrong. We don’t need another boast song. From any rapper. They just make you look like an ass.

“Ladies Love Me, I’m on my Cool J”

You have not earned the right to compare yourself to LL Cool J. He made Radio, you made Grafitti. Also, I can’t argue that ladies love you. That’s what scares me.

“If You Get What I Get, What Would You Say”

Well, if a songwriter handed me this song, and told me to perform it in front of a whole country, I would scream and lock myself in a closet. I wouldn’t even want to be near the man who wrote this turd of a hit. You wrote this, didn’t you. This is worse than “Deuces”.

“She Wax It All Off, Mr. Miyagi”

I’m going to make a list of things wrong with this one line.
    1.    Nobody likes Hash-tag rhyming. It’s annoying.
    2.    When I think of a woman, I don’t want to think of Mr. Miyagi.
    3.    Are we going back to the woman at the start? Does this confirm she’s actually Asian? Because there’s no other reason you’d bring Mr. Miyagi up.
    4.    Does this refer to waxing off unwanted hair with wax, or masturbation?
    5.    It’s probably masturbation.
    6.    Dated reference is dated.

”And Them Suicide Doors, Hari Kari”

First of all, another hash-tag rhyme. But more importantly, you don’t bring up suicide in a dance song. Even if this makes me want to get this out of my head with a hammer.
Well so far, the rapping’s awful, but at least the beat’s not intrusi-

“Look at me Now, Look at me Now”

OH DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT NOISE. This is the whiniest beat I’ve ever heard. It sounds like Chris Brown called in an air raid. This is atrocious. And he picked the least offensive part to put the worst beat in history. This is what death sounds like.

“Oh, I’m Getting Paper”

We realize you’re rich, Chris Brown. We don’t need it shoved in our face.

“I’m Fresher Than a Motherfucker”

No you are not. You’re about as fresh as a Nickelback album.

Then, we get a very short mini verse, where Chris Brown delves deeper into insanity. Also, he speed raps. Pray for my soul.

“Lil Black Gentleman Bigger Than Gorilla”

What does this even mean. Oh yeah. He’s speed rapping. Which means he can say anything he wants.

”’Cause I’m Killing Every Black Gentleman That Try To Be On My Shit”

Oh, is he trying to start a feud? That’s adorable. You get a gold star, Chris Brown. Now get out of here. You’ve poisoned my ears.

“Better Cuff Your Chick if You With Her, I Can Get Her”

Oh yay, he’s gonna try to steal my girl through his fame, money, and “rap skills”. Well jokes on you! I don’t have a girlfriend.

I just made myself sad.

“And She Accidentally Slip and Fall On My Dick”

How does that happen. My mind is trying to figure out the scenario needed for this, but it hurt itself in its confusion.

“Oops, I Said On My Dick”

Did he just rhyme dick with di-

“I Ain’t Really Mean to Say On My Dick”

Wait, wha-

“But Since We’re Talking About My Dick, All of the Haters Say Hi to It.”

… Did he just rhyme dick with dick with dick with dick? How are you that blank on what rhymes with dick? Here, have this:

Hey, Chris Brown, Your Lyrical Prowess It Makes me Sick.

That’s much better, and accurate. And also, I will not say hi to your penis. Because that’s just weird.

“I’m Done”

As You Well Should Be.

After this is Busta Rhymes verse, which I’m just gonna say, is a Busta Rhymes verse. It’s awesome, but I can’t understand a word of it. Too bad the beat lets him down. This song makes it sound like the end of the world is arriving any minute now. Which is fitting, as this does sound like on of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

After this is Lil Wayne’s verse, which is honestly a damn solid verse. He’s obviously at his best since “No Love”, though maybe that’s just because Chris Brown has performed a lobotomy on me with his ego. I hope he goes somewhere where we’ll never hear from him again. Like Serbia.

Honestly, even with the very tight duo of Busta and Wayne, this song is still godawful, partially for the air raid sirens they call a beat, but mostly for Chris Brown’s arrogance. I never want to hear this again. But most likely the worst thing is that this beat “Yeah 3x” on Billboard’s end of year chart. “Yeah” is a great party song, and narrowly missed my best of the year. But this just hurts.

Score: F