Henry’s Music Blog

Birthday Cake: A Song Review

Sun, 20 May 2012 21:11:35 -0700

Rihanna’s music has certainly changed for the worse recently. I remember back when she made songs like “Umbrella”, which is now considered a modern pop gem. But ever since the incident with Chris Brown, her music went for a drop, followed by a mountain. At first, she made songs that were understandably darker and angstier than her previous material on Rated R. But the album wasn’t as big a hit as was expected, outside of the single “Rude Boy”, so her followup album, Loud, was far more poppy. But since “Rude Boy”, every big song by her has become more and more about sex. First with “Only Girl”, then “What’s My Name”, and cultivating with “S&M”, which made my list of the worst songs of last year. After that, she took a step back with “We Found Love”, the first single off her follow-up album Talk that Talk. And that song became the biggest hit in her career. However, her next two songs off the album weren’t nearly as big as “We Found Love”, so now we have her newest single, “Birthday Cake”.

Before I start, I want to talk about the background here, as I find it rather interesting. First, this is not the actual version of the song on the album. While usually, the single cuts off about a minute or so from the album, the original version on the album is an interlude at 1:18. So the single version of the album is a remix featuring… Chris Brown. Oh dear. Well, Rihanna featured on a remix of “Turn Up the Music” before, so maybe they decided to end this on equal terms. Still, as I may have said before, I don’t think this sends out the right message to young girls and abuse victims. Anyway, I’ve stalled enough, so let’s begin.

Birthday Cake: A Song Review

So the song begins with noise. The only other way to put it is 50 cars revving up out of time with one another. I’ve heard Sunn O))) songs with more of a tune than this. This is awful. Then a random bell rings and the lyrics start. So what’s the first line of this song?

“Put your name on it, put your name on it”

Ok, so, after looking at urban dictionary, the two most likely things this song is about is the vagina, and the ASS ASS ASS ASS. I’m going to go with ass, because that’s more popular to sing about, and this song being literal would just be silly. But if it’s not literal, then this makes no sense. Are you supposed to sign her ass? Do I sign it to get the Rihanna newsletter? What’s going on in this line? If you’re using a metaphor, don’t use something that only makes sense for half the comparison. I’m like a house, I have a front door. You see?

“Bet you wanna put your name on it”

No, I really don’t. Because I’m still confused.

“Come and put your name on it”

No!

“It’s not even my birthday”

So why is it not just a cake? I don’t understand slang anymore. God I wish I was listening to Cake.

“But he wanna lick the icing off”

Wait, if this song is about ass, then what’s the OH MY GOD.

“I know you want it the worst way”

God these lyrics are horrible. Sex songs don’t have to be this remarkably stupid. This song get’s stupider the farther you go in.

“Can’t wait to blow my candles out”

Once again, both sides of the metaphor have to work. It just sounds like you’re sticking candles up your ass. That’s not safe.

“He want that cake, cake, cake”

Oh great, it’s turning into “Ass”, now with metaphors. Artists need to learn repeating the word over and over again is not a smart move.

“Ooh baby I like it, it’s so exciting”
“Don’t try to hide it”

Ok, these lines aren’t so bad…

“I’mma make you my bitch”

Well, shit. If you’re being this forceful, why not just jump out of the speakers and hump the listener. God I’m tired of sex songs.

“I know you wanna bite this”

Really? You couldn’t use any word but bite? Christ this song is awful.

“It’s so enticing”

The way you’re describing it, it really isn’t.

After that, it just repeats lines from the song, until Chris Brown comes in. Who knows? Maybe he’ll actually improve it.

“Leggo”

My eggo?

“Girl I wanna fuck you”

Goodbye subtlety.

So, after that blatant attack on good taste, Chris Brown just says the same insipid shit as Rihanna, including quite a few of the lines. There’s one thing I have to note, though. In the repetition of the chorus, instead of Chris Brown saying he’ll make you his bitch, they digitally insert Rihanna over it. So, I would say that this shows they’re trying to avoid that connection, but in a way, it actually makes it worse.It shows that they knew that people would think of the incident, but did this anyway, like it was a publicity stunt. And somehow, that actually makes the song even more painful.

So yeah, if you didn’t already predict it, I hate this song. From the production, to the music, to especially the lyrics, the song is god awful. Skip it.

Score: F

Hair Metal

Sun, 13 May 2012 20:52:18 -0700

There have been several passing fads in music, especially in terms of genres. We’ve had Psychadelic, Grunge, Nu Metal, and the boy bands of the late 90s. But back in the 80s, music had separated into Heavy Metal and synthesizer driven pop music. But then an unseen force came, combining the two genres to increasing degrees before finally imploding on its own debauchery. That genre was Hair Metal.

While Hair Metal really took off in the 80s, it started in the late 70s, and the biggest influence came in the early 70s, in the form of Sweet. While Sweet were around the same time as other Glam Rock leaders like T Rex and Slade, they distinguished themselves by amping up their music further. Adding Fuzz Guitar and their trademark ridiculously high vocal harmonies, they arguably created Glam Metal, which can be seen as the precursor for Hair Metal. Numerous Hair Metal bands have even stated outright that Sweet was a major influence, including Def Leppard and Poison.

However, even though Sweet was the major influence on Hair Metal, the first real hair metal album came out in 1979, with Van Halen’s self titled debut album. With the album, guitar playing was changed forever, with the Eddie Van Halen solo song “Eruption”. Creating the tapping technique, the style was quickly adopted into Hard Rock afterwards. This, combined with David Lee Roth’s performances on stage and a more upbeat form of Metal then what was popular during the 70s, is what launched Hair Metal into being Metal for people who don’t listen to metal.

Hair Metal can easily be divided into three different segments. First there are the bands that weren’t really hair metal, but had a sound that was just loud enough to be thrown in, instead of being called Thrash Metal, like Scorpions and Spinal Tap, the eighties Hard Rock that ended up becoming the most acclaimed, like Van Halen and Guns ‘n’ Roses, and the Glam Rock that became the face of everything bad about the 80s, like Poison and Motley Crue. But while all of these bands were different in sound from one another, they all shared one quality; shameless debauchery. There hasn’t been a genre since the Blues that has been this blatant about sex. A Hair Metal musician essentially spent their entire career in a whirlwind of cocaine, sex, and dressing up like a woman despite being homophobic. Really, the “dressing up like a woman” part is in the name. These guys spend more time on their hair then Madonna does on her face. But eventually, they got tired of singing about nothing but sex, and decided to sing about something else; love. And thus, music was ruined forever.

The power ballad has existed ever since around 1969 with Led Zeppelin’s “Babe I’m Gonna Leave You”, but truly became a well known aspect of music since Boston’s “More Than a Feeling” and Aerosmith’s “Dream On”. And when Hair Metal came out, since it was already partially pop, it was decided that every band had to have at least one power ballad in their repertoire. While some have become part of the rock canon, most notably Guns ‘n’ Roses’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine”, Most have gone down as some of the most embarrassing moments of the bands’ careers. It’s unlikely you’ll ever hear a song as boringly terrible as “Carrie” by Europe, especially since they’re more famous for awesomely terrible songs like “The Final Countdown”. Which shows the main problem with Power Ballads in Hair Metal. Hair Metal is an incredibly silly genre, where songs like this do not belong. Eventually, the string of power ballads ended, with Mr. Big’s “To Be With You”.

Eventually, though, Hair Metal had to end, as all music fads do. So who would be the ones to end it. Well, Nirvana. As soon as 1991 and “Smells Like Teen Spirit” hit, a new genre was formed for the youth of America. With the Grunge scene coming out of Seatlle (along with the Gangsta Rap scene from the rest of the country), Hair Metal was essentially pushed aside, replaced by songs built around much simpler wood work. While some bands changed their sound to great success, like Bon Jovi, and others were too popular to go away that soon, like Guns ‘n’ Roses, Hair Metal as a whole disappeared, with only a few bands like the Darkness coming around afterwards. And Visual Kei stayed EXTREMELY popular in Japan, but that’s an even longer story. And that’s the story of Hair Metal.

Essential Listening

Van Halen- Van Halen
Dr. Feelgood- Motley Crue
Appetite for Destruction- Guns ‘n’ Roses
Pyromania- Def Leppard
Slippery When Wet- Bon Jovi
Permission to Land- The Darkness

On Friday, a legend died after a three year battle with cancer....

Sun, 06 May 2012 19:57:54 -0700

On Friday, a legend died after a three year battle with cancer. My life will never be the same.

R.I.P. Adam Yauch

Top 10 Most Overrated Songs Pt 2

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 20:00:13 -0700

Back when I first started this website, for my second ever article, I did a list of my most overrated songs ever. For that article, I did songs that have managed to achieve critical success despite their massive shortcomings, at least in my opinion. But I decided that a list of the most overrated songs in history wouldn’t be complete without the other side of the spectrum, songs that have managed to get commercial approval, despite sucking out loud. So, I present to you:

Top 10 Most Overrated Songs Pt 2: Classic Rock Radio Edition

10. Two Tickets to Paradise- Eddie Money

Just like on the previous list, the first two songs on the list aren’t nearly as bad, but still count for the list. And really, it’s hard to find an otherwise decent song more undeserving of classic status then Eddie Money’s biggest hit. There’s nothing to overtly bad about this song, it’s just everything about it screams mediocrity. From lame lyrics to standard guitar to everything else, it’s just not all that interesting of a song.

9. Young Lust- Pink Floyd

The Wall is a great example of a classic album that doesn’t have that many classic songs. Sure, “Comfortably Numb”, “The Trial” and “Another Brick in the Wall” are all classics. But with those comes “Young Lust”, a decent enough song, but one that always seems to be mentioned along with the other great songs on the album. And it’s sad to think that with all of Pink Floyd’s big ideas, one of their biggest songs was just about meaningless sex. A decent enough song, but one that really doesn’t leave an impact.

8. Dude Looks Like a Lady- Aerosmith

And here’s where we get to the bad. Aerosmith made some of the set hard rock music in history… in the 70s. Like every other classic band, they really went downhill after 1979, making bland rock before playing nothing but ballads, which they’ve done for the last 15 or so years at this point. But really, the point where it was obvious Aerosmith wasn’t coming back soon was “Dude (Looks like a Lady)”. No longer do we have the classic riffs, or powerful vocals, or, more than anything else, balls. What we have here is the tired version of Aerosmith doing what they once rocked harder than anything else. “Walk This Way” this is not.

7. Any Way You Want It- Journey

In the previous 10 Most Overrated Songs Ever list, I included “Don’t Stop Believing”. And while I do consider that the far worse song, I do have a large amount of hate for “Any Way You Want It” as well. Journey was easily the worst of the arena rock bands at the time, with the exception of Styx, and all their songs are the equivalent of being bathed in mayonnaise. With “Any Way You Want It”, we get everything that “Don’t Stop Believing” had, but only slightly less annoying.

6. Rock You Like a Hurricane- Scorpions

Scorpions are one of those bands that never managed to cross over to America, and thank god, because going by their biggest hit “Rock You Like a Hurricane”, there was nothing to differentiate them from any other hard rock band from the time. With a title that’s a lame joke, you know your in for one of the most generic experiences of your life, with nothing to it. I’m just glad I haven’t gotten around to listening to “Winds of Change” yet.

5. Love Shack- B-52s

I admit, I don’t see the appeal of the B-52s. To me, they seem like a band that made remarkably stupid songs that everyone fell in love with for no reason. But I can tolerate most of their songs, even the painfully repetitive “Rock Lobster” in all its stupidity. But “Love Shack” is just a painful song to listen to on every level. Nothing about the song works, from the boring instruments to some of the most annoying vocals ever recorded. I don’t care if the tin roof is rusted, I still hate this song.

4. Come Sail Away- Styx

As I said up in the Journey entry of this list, Styx is the only band that actually managed to be worse than Journey. With not a single tolerable song to them, they were completely intolerable 100% of the time. But what makes “Come Sail Away” worse then the rest of their material? Really, I’m going to need a whole other review to cover that, but let’s just say that everything about the song is awful. Wait for the full review coming soon.

3. We Will Rock You- Queen

I’m just gonna say up front that this song is a piece of shit. Queen is undeniably one of the best bands of the last 50 years, and made some truly classic music. But “We Will Rock You” is crap. There’s simply nothing here that’s interesting, with a stomp clap beat, one of Brian May’s least interesting guitar solos, and repetition. With each verse being almost exactly the same, the song just burrows into your head and never leaves. At least it’s short.

2. Rock the Casbah- The Clash

London Calling is my favorite album of all time. The Clash is my favorite band. This song sucks. Even the mighty can fall. Easily the Clash’s goofiest song, the song barely even resembles a Clash song, even after the genre hopping of Sandanista, simply being too poppy and not nearly interesting enough. With goofy organ and a band clearly near their end, it was clear The Clash were ready to end. Still not as bad as Cut the Crap, though.

1. Rock and Roll all Nite- KISS

KISS sucks. I’m just throwing that out there. Besides a few decent songs like “Detroit Rock City” and “Strutter”, KISS has done nothing but make music as a whole so much worse. And no song has managed to worm its way into the public consciousness while being absolutely horrendous then “Rock and Roll All Nite”, one of the worst songs ever written. Everything about this song is awful, and yet the song is still one of the biggest rock songs of the 70s. And that’s why it’s the most overrated song of all time (besides Blowing in the Wind).

Root Notes: MTV

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 20:04:15 -0700

Hello everybody, welcome to today’s post, where I start a new recurring feature on the site. I’ve noticed recently that in the world of music, it’s not always the musician who becomes important in the history of music. Sometimes it can be a movie, a show, music directors, or even politicians who become important aspects in music’s development. So, for this new series Root Notes, I’m gonna start it off with the most influential aspect of music during the 80s, MTV.

It’s hard to even remember nowadays, but back before the 80s, music videos were few and far between. You would pretty much get a video before a movie starring the artist, something weird by Devo or “Bohemian Rhapsody”. But then, in 1981, MTV debuted. Debuting on August 1st with the Buggles’ “Video Killed the Radio Star”, the channel quickly became a massive hit, even though the Buggles quickly joined Yes. The popularity of MTV is easily connected to the sheer simplicity of the concept; music videos around the clock. Now, instead of just turning on the radio and listening, people were able to watch a video of the music, which, while commonplace now, was huge back in the early 80s.

But soon, a controversy hit MTV, through the power of Michael Jackson. As we all know, Michael Jackson is the undeniable king of the music video, ever since the massive success of “Thriller”. So it’s hard to believe that when “Billie Jean” was first given to MTV for rotation, they rejected it. Not only that, but it was rejected on the grounds that “black people aren’t rock enough”. Due to being not only racist, but ignorant, The president of CBS records, Walter Yetnikoff, sent a letter saying that unless “Billie Jean” received airplay, no videos from CBS could be played. Sure enough, MTV backed down, and Michael Jackson quickly became the big draw, until the 90s.

Around the early 90s, MTV was at the front of the 90s counter culture movement. Along with shows like The Simpsons, popular culture quickly went to what used to be the underground, most notably with the character of Bart Simpson. “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, the biggest and most important song of the 90s, owes its popularity to MTV’s part in the movement. The Video Music Awards were effectively the movement’s version of the Grammys, with them now being more important. But the movement was what eventually brought MTV down.

Eventually, MTV decided to expand out of simply showing music videos. At this time, they decided to branch out to actual shows instead of programming blocks, most notably Beavis and Butthead and The Real World. And this led to MTV becoming even bigger, leading them to produce more and more shows unrelated to music. Now, as one of the biggest examples of Network Decay ever, saying “MTV Doesn’t Play Music” has become such a cliche it’s become meaningless. And through Jersey Shore, they’ve reached an unseen level of hatred. Quite a long way from changing how music was seen forever.

Boyfriend: a Song Review

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 20:12:00 -0700

Justin Bieber is a very controversial topic in music as of late. It’s rare to see something as chaotic as the internet, which can’t agree on whether nazis are bad, band together to hate a teenager. So you’d think he’d be a massive hit on the radio as well, right? Actually, no. On the radio and on the charts, he’s had very little success, with his previous biggest hit “Baby” only reaching #5, and other songs doing far worse, to the point where “Under the Mistletoe”, which charted for one week at #11, was one of his biggest hits. But now, we have his new single “Boyfriend”, the highest charting song of his career. So I guess due to his “popularity” on the internet, I have to review it. So, let’s get started.]
(And as for why there’s no artist overview here, that’s coming up later.)

Boyfriend: a Song Review

So the song starts off, with a beat consisting of one snare hit about every second, and what sounds like a ghost whispering. And here’s the first problem with the song. This beat isn’t interesting, or new, or anything; it just sucks. This beat just shows they didn’t think it was worth it to put any money behind this song. Well now, the lyrics are starting, and:

“If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go”

OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS VOICE. Well, looks like we finally reached the inevitable; Bieber’s voice has finally dropped. Well, not fully yet; if you’ve seen any recent live performances, his voice cracks more than a mentally unstable vase. So now, they just have to pile on so much studio work, it’s impossible to even recognize him. And can we talk about this line for a second? That’s just creepy, dude. That’s Buffalo Bill level horrifying.

“I can take you places that you’ve never been before”

I’m confused about whether not this is a money boast, or just the most generic love song lyric ever composed. Either way, this is just a stupid line.

“Baby take a chance or you’ll never ever know”

Are you saying that if she doesn’t date you, she’ll never be able to experience you keeping her forever and going around the world? Because one is entirely possible on her own, and the other is probably illegal.

“I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow”

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN

“Swag, swag, swag, on you”

Oh, there we go. But now, you have covered up the lack of writing talent by repeating the word “swag” three times in a row. You’re just digging yourself deeper. Note to all song writers: STOP SAYING SWAG.

“Chilling by the the fire while we’re eating fondue”

You know, I’m not sure why, but fondue just doesn’t belong in a pop song. Something about it just doesn’t work. Here’s a list of words that not only rhyme with you, but work better in a song like this:

two
to
too
loo
crew
sue
rue
moo
foo
kangaroo
true
zoo
Fu Manchu
and many more

Once again, an example of bad writing.

“I don’t know about me but I know about you”

Once again, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN. A Justin Bieber song should not be confusing me. I mean, I know it’s him hitting on the listener, but what does the line itself indicate? Does it indicate that Bieber is a stalker with amnesia. God I’m frustrated.

“So say hello to falsetto in three two”

Well, looks like we got a chorus coming up soon. Get ready everyone, Bieber’s gonna actually sing on this song.

“Swaggie”

NO

“I’d like to be everything you want”

Well too bad your audience is 12 year old girls. I guess you’re a pony. Have fun with that.

Also, now we have entered the dreaded chorus, where we hear the most pointless guitar in a song ever. Seriously, it’s woefully out of place. I’m betting Bieber himself played it while bored, and execs were too scared to say no.

“Hey girl, let me talk to you”

Well, I’m pretty sure you were doing that throughout the whole song. Now who’s confused? Still me.

“If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go”

Damnit Bieber, we already talked about this.

“Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone”

You’re really bad at sounding more “in love” and less “give me your skin”.

“I can be a gentleman, anything you want”

Well, you should be more of a gentleman and less of this possessive serial killer/stalker.

“If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go”

Yay, redundancy! And on to the second verse.

“Tell me what you like, yeah, tell me what you don’t”

Well, I don’t like this song. At all. You’re trying way too hard for sex appeal here.

“I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe”

Nothing I can say can make this line funnier.

“I don’t never wanna fight yeah, you already know”

You picked the absolute worst time to use a double negative. Way to go, Chris Brown.

“I am ‘ma a make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow”

You’re about 4 months too late, pal. They already shipped your christmas album.

“Girlfriend, girlfriend, you can be my girlfriend”

Yay, even more redundancy!

“You could be my girlfriend until the world ends”

Why so apocalyptic, Bieber? Nothing gets a woman excited like the apocalypse. Also, at your age, commitment isn’t the name of the game.

“Make you dance, do a spin and a twirl and”

Seriously Bieber, you are sounding like a MANIAC. THIS IS SCARY SHIT.

“Voice going crazy on this hook like a whirl wind”

See? Even the song knows he’s slowly going insane. Someone lock him up in a box.

“swaggie”

GOD DAMNIT

After this, we get another pre-chorus and chorus, followed by a bridge that’s literally the most generic thing I’ve ever heard. Nickelback covering Hootie and the Blowfish couldn’t be this generic. This is followed by another chorus, and a final… thing of him just going “na na na” over and over again. So, now that the song is finished, what do I think? Well… it sucks. Painfully so. Nothing about this song works, from the empty beat to the generic-to-terrifying lyrics, to the half-assed chorus. I think now is the perfect time for Bieber fever to disappear forever.

Score: F

Insane Clown Posse: An Outside Analysis

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 21:03:18 -0700

Back during Super Bowl Weekend, I did an article on Nickelback, talking about how they don’t deserve the hate they have. You may remember that in my list of bands that do make awful music, I mentioned Insane Clown Posse. But while I did that article, I realized that, in all honesty, ICP probably has the largest hate following in all of music. So I decided to write about them. And before anyone says anything, magnets. Now that we got that meme out of the way, let’s talk about ICP.

Some bands are far older then the public thinks they are. For example, Pulp formed in 1978. And similarly, Insane Clown Posse formed in 1989. Originally known as Inner City Posse, they soon changed their name, and released their first album in 1992, Carnival of Carnage. They followed this up with more albums released at a steady rate, with the most recent, The Mighty Death Pop! released 4 days ago. This is a coincidence, I did not plan this. But while the albums are mostly forgotten to the 90s, what really matters is the story behind all the albums put together.

One of the few real concept bands, along with Coheed and Cambria, Insane Clown Posse’s albums are all connected by a theme. With the first cycle, The Dark Carnival, composed of their first six albums, each album represents a joker card, which are harbingers of the end of the world, revealed one by one in reverse chronological order. The next two albums, The Wraith and Hell’s Pit, are based around heaven and hell. And on the song “Thy Unveiling”, it was revealed that this entire cycle was actually about Judgement Day, with the idea of The Dark Carnival being a transfer place to hell. After a short break from this theme with 2007’s The Tempest, they returned to the cycle with a second set of joker cards, starting with Bang! Pow! Boom. I did not make any of this up. The band that wrote “Miracles” composed an entire cycle, made of albums more then 20 years apart now. I admit, I’m impressed.

But when people think of Inane Clown Posse, they don’t think of music, they think of Juggalos. Simply put, Juggalos are what happen when you want to rebel against your suburban parents, so think Limp Bizkit fans, but with face paint. And you will rarely see a more devoted fan base out there. They can often be found in herds, drink the soft drink called Faygo, and referring to the lyrics of Insane Clown Posse as “cathartic”. And through this fan base, ICP and their label, Psycopathic Records have expanded to movies and even wrestling. They’ve even been accused of being a form of gang. I don’t know why, it’s hard to imagine a more harmless group of individuals. There are even many famous people who are juggles, including:

    ▪    Chuck D
    ▪    Coolio
    ▪    Howard Stern
    ▪    Slipknot
    ▪    Charlie Sheen
    ▪    Vanilla Ice
    ▪    Tech N9ne

and many more. In short, Insane Clown Posse and their fans are a very complicated ordeal that’s really hard to understand. But really, if people like them, why should we take that away from them. People can like whatever they like, and that’s fine by me.

Magic everywhere up in this bitch.

500 Greatest Albums (Rolling Stone)

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 20:51:51 -0700

Recently, Rolling Stone has been publishing all of their greatest-of-all-time lists again, updating them to include new releases and to fix previous mistakes. After their new top 500 songs, top 100 artists, and top 100 guitarists (which you may remember as my first article ever), they recently published their 500 Greatest Albums of All Time, originally released in 2003. And since my first article ever was about a Rolling Stone list, I feel like I’m obligated to write about this update as well. So, let’s examine this.

First of all, I’d just like to say how I feel about Rolling Stone. Stupid as this may sound, Rolling Stone is a lot like the Rolling Stones; Sure, they did a lot for music in the early years, but they don’t do anything at all recently. But really, they’re allowed to do anything they want, because hey, they were one of the most important things around. And this is why The Rolling Stones are hailed as one of the greatest bands on Earth, despite sucking since Tattoo You, and Rolling Stone being the most important music magazine in the world, despite publishing a greatest of all time list with Lil Wayne on it (more on that later). Anyway, on to the list.

Just like in previous updates, here they add new albums, and remove others.Most of the albums added are from the 2000s, with 6 from before (Chronicles Vol. 1, Songs of Love an Hate, Dig Me Out, Paul Simon, Only Built 4 Cuban Linx, and 69 Love Songs), and two from the current decade (My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, and Smile, though that may not count, seeing as how it was originally recorded in the 60s). As with previous lists, the additions are few near the top, but increase as you get closer to the end.

In the top 100, there are 3 new additions, though two were already on the list. At. #59, Chronicles Vol. 1 by Creedence Clearwater Revival is new to the list, allowing Rolling Stone to remove two other CCR albums Green River and Cosmo’s Factory from the list. At #67, Kid A by Radiohead moves from #428, as the highest album from the 2000s on the list. And at #94, 40 Greatest Hits by Hank Williams moves from #129. Now here, we already come across the first main problem, in that there is an abundance of Greatest Hits on this list. despite being a list of the greatest albums ever, Rolling Stone decided to include collections on the list. And while I’m ok with this for artists like Robert Johnson or Hank Williams, who never released an actual album, I have more of a problem when you have it for Elton John or Phil Spector.

My next problem is with some of the new additions to the list. We have some that were obviously going to be included, like Funeral by Arcade Fire and Modern Times by Bob Dylan. Then you have the more surprising but welcome additions, like Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem, 69 Love Songs by the Magnetic Fields, and Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I Am Not , by Arctic Monkeys. But then you have the additions that just seem… weird. Vampire Weekend? Manu Chao? My Morning Jacket? Those aren’t artists I expect on a Greatest Albums Ever list. And the sheer fact they included Tha Carter III by Lil Wayne just blows my mind. And in an example of odd placing, the second highest from the 2000s? Late Registration by Kanye West.

But with the additions must come the removals, and there are some interesting disappearances here. Despite what I said previously, they actually did get rid of a few greatest hits, like Simon and Garfunkel’s, The Mamas and the Papas’, and David Bowies’. And there are some albums where I’m happy they removed it (thank you for leaving No Doubt out this time). But some albums were removed, where it just doesn’t seem right. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, Mezzanine and The Battle of Los Angles, by Smashing Pumpkins, Massive Attack and Rage Against the Machine respectively, are taken off, though their predecessors are kept on. And removing Criminally Minded just isn’t right. Def Leppard has Pyromania removed, but not the weaker Hysteria. But still, the weirdest isn’t a removal, but a lack of one. Sleepless by Peter Wolf is at #427, despite getting a 4 star review, and not even being on the list of the 100 best of the 2000s.

So yeah, just like every Rolling Stone list, it’s the predictable, mixed with the bizarre. I recommend you pick it up, so you can share it with your friends to mock, but don’t take it seriously in any way.

And now, as a finish, here are my top 10 albums that aren’t on either list:

    1.    In the Aeroplane Over the Sea-Neutral Milk Hotel
    2.    Chocolate and Cheese-Ween
    3.    The Holy Bible-Manic Street Preachers
    4.    Lincoln-They Might Be Giants
    5.    Swordfishtrombone-Tom Waits
    6.    Zen Arcade-Husker Du
    7.    American IV-Johnny Cash
    8.    Close to the Edge-Yes
    9.    Aenima-Tool
    10.    Henrys Dream-Nick Cave

Top 20 Most Suprising One Hit Wonders pt 2

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 21:20:00 -0700

10. Oasis

Oasis was pretty much the face of the 90s after Nirvana ended. Rarely does anyone get as heated over whether a band is good or terrible as they do here, especially with the Noel and Liam’s infamous behavior. And with two albums considered classics, you’d expect them to be a huge success on both sides of the states. But they weren’t, for a simple, yet confusing reason. If you recall back to my “singles to albums” article, you may remember that during the 90s, executives decided to no longer release singles. So now, their only hit is “Live Forever”, despite their success.

9. Blink-182

You may remember Blink-182 as one of the bands during the 90s sounding like Green Day, along with Sum 41. Among these bands, however, Blink-182 has probably had the most success, with their album Enema for the State being their biggest hit. But among their hits like “What’s My Age Again” and “Damnit”, only one was an actual top 40 hit, and it’s not hard to see why. With “What’s My Age Again”, they managed to draw a whole new crowd, due to the video parodying boy bands. So as you can see, if you need a fan base, just parody something else.

8. Gorillaz

The brain project of Damon Albarn, Gorillaz are probably the biggest Trip-Hop group ever. And you’ve most likely heard “Feel Good Inc.” constantly back in 2005. But you probably heard other songs by them as well, most likely “Clint Eastwood” and “Dare”. But in reality, “Feel Good Inc.” remains their only hit. I guess somehow, even with success, you can be a one hit wonder. Don’t ask me to figure it out, I really can’t.

7. Eels

In another case of a band who even has one hit, here we have Eels, a band who’s been in the higher underground since the 90s. While Eels have been moderately popular for a while, they never were big enough for a real hit. And really, they weren’t. Their one hit “Novacaine for the Soul”, barely even reached the top 40. But that’s enough of a hit to count. Since then, the only time they’ve even reached a chart was the Modern Rocks Chart, with “Last Stop: This Town” reaching 39.

6. Percy Sledge

Percy Sledge is one of the most famous soul singers of all time, most famous for his song “When a Man Loves a Woman”, commonly remembered as one of the greatest songs of all time. But, really, that was his only hit. And this was much more common then you’d think, with many artists having only one hit on the radio, while having many more on R ‘n’ B stations, like the Temptations. So I guess this is a place for all those artists, as well.

5. Frank Zappa

Ah, good old Frank Zappa. The most consistently creative songwriter until his death, his influence is undeniable. And with such a large category, he must have a dozen hits, even discounting the more experimental material. He’d at least have “Dancing Fool”. But his one hit was “Valley Girl”, and for the saddest reasons. Because all the valley girls thought it was positive on them, they made it into his only hit. And that’s why most one hit wonders are the artist’s stupidest song.

4. Iggy Pop

Silly old Iggy Pop. I’m surprised you aren’t dead yet. What with his life stories, he’s managed to make a dozen great songs off of it, most famously “Lust for Life”. So that must be his one hit, right? Nope. His one hit came in 1990, with the song “Candy”. It’s rare you see an artists who’s most famous song isn’t the one hit. But with Iggy Pop, anything is possible.

3. Weezer

Remember when Weezer was good? I bet you do. Back during their fist two, no one was better then Power Pop then them. And with that, they had their most enduring song, “Buddy Holly”, a pop gem still loved to this day. But guess what. Not their hit. Blame the 90s charts for this one, too. Instead, their hit was “Beverly Hills”, way after they dropped in quality. What made this one a hit, besides others? I’m not sure, but it makes me sad.

2. Grateful Dead

The Grateful Dead inspired more terrible musicians then I can count. With legendary live shows and endless jamming, they showed how to stretch a song out way more then what was needed. And surprisingly, they even had a buttload of albums , too. And with songs like “Sugar Magnolia” and the forever slogan’d “Truckin’”, they had several popular hits, even back in their early days. But their one hit was “Touch of Grey” far later in their career. And with it came the new fans, and more and more success, until Jerry Garcia died. And that’s the story of the Dead after the 80s.

1. Jimi Hendrix

Yep, even Jimi. Easily the greatest and most influential guitar player of his time, Jimi Hendrix was the first guitarist to truly show the world how to rock. With three near perfect albums on him, he’s easily one of the best artists of all time. And yep, one hit. And not even a gentle ballad, like Little Wing. It was “All Along the Watchtower”, a barricade storming cover of a Bob Dylan classic. And to this, I say… does it really matter. These artists are not defined by their one hit, they are defined on their real influence. And that’s how we should define an artist.

Top 20 Most Suprising One Hit Wonders pt 1

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 20:44:00 -0700

We all love one hit wonders. Whenever a band manages to achieve one hit, they stay in our minds forever, usually because they are such a product of the time. We have the classic one hit wonders, like Nena and Chumbawamba, and the artists who aren’t but we think of them as though they are, like A-ha and MC Hammer. But then there are the bands that just don’t feel like one hit wonders, but are. These are bands that, either through influence or sound, are surprising in their history on the charts. So now, we start…

The Top 20 Most Surprising One Hit Wonders Pt 1: 20-11

Special mention to Radiohead, who, despite being one of the biggest bands who ever lived, has only two top 40 hits, “Creep” and “Nude”.

20. Incubus

I put them pretty low on the list, because they’re not nearly as big as others on here, but it’s certainly surprising. While most of the bands from the late 90s have come and gone, Incubus is still around, making the same music as they did when they first had success with Make Yourself. But even though they are one of the biggest alternative bands around right now, their only hit is “Drive”, an acoustic ballad. Even their most famous song, “Wish You Were Here” didn’t make it into the top 40. Why is this, I’m not sure, but if you have an acoustic ballad on a heavier album, don’t release it as a single.

19. Thin Lizzy

If you think of Irish music, and weren’t raised on punk, you think of U2. But Thin Lizzy is also up there. Influencing many metal bands with their guitar-driven sound, and having one of the best live albums ever with Live and Dangerous, you’d expect them to be huge. But no. Their only hit state-side was “The Boys are Back in Town” off of Jailbreak. Not even their other main hit “Whiskey in a Jar” managed to break through. But, hey, it’s proto metal. And metal isn’t exactly radio fodder.

18. System of a Down

You probably remember System of a Down as the most interesting band to come out of the late 90s. Featuring 4 armenians who were insanely talented, including one of the greatest singers of all time, Serj Tankian, they remain one of the three Nu Metal bands who you’re still allowed to like, mostly because they aren’t Nu Metal (The others being Slipknot and The Deftones.) Now you’re probably thinking their one hit was “Chop Suey” due to being their most famous song. But actually, their biggest hit was “BYOB”, later in their career. It’s unusual to see a bands one hit not be their signature song, especially with a band this popular.

17. Folk Implosion

Yeah, Folk Implosion had a hit. You know why? Because it was in a movie. While it’s surprising a band this deliberately lo-fi had a hit at all, it’s not surprising at all its from the soundtrack to a 90s movie, Kids. Back in the 90s, lots of movies had soundtracks composed entirely on what was considered “hip” at the time. So, of course, they had to get The Folk Implosion in at some point, which became a hit. But what’s surprising is the movie it came from Kids. It’s not a movie that would create hits.

16. T. Rex

Along with David Bowie, T. Rex is the face of Glam. With some of the most classic songs of the 70s, like “Bang a Gong” and “Children of the Revolution”, they were on the way to being big, until Marc Bolan died in a tragic motorcycle crash. But for the longest time, they didn’t have a single hit. Who can you thank for having their one hit wonder? The Duran Duran spinoff Power Station’s cover of “Bang a Gong”. After this, “Bang a Gong” became a hit 14 years after it was first released on Electric Warrior. Just goes to show, even if you don’t exist anymore, you can still become a one hit wonder.

15. Meshuggah

Meshuggah is a technical Death Metal band. I think that sums up why it’s surprising they have one hit. But their song “Bleed” actually managed to become a success, especially when it’s a band this deliberately exclusive. But really, they’ll never have another hit. This is pretty much a definite statement. Not much to say but technical death metal.

14. Rush

Now, to be sure, Prog rock isn’t exactly the type of music that churns out hits. Until the eighties, it was very unlikely to hear any on hit radio stations. But I don’t think Rush has that excuse. For most of their career, they’ve been much closer to Pop than other prog mainstays like Yes or Jethro Tull, and so are perfect for radio. But, instead, only one hit. Now, you might think it’s something like “Tom Sawyer” or “Limelight”, but no.It’s actually “New World Man”, a song that’s not as well known as others by Rush. And peaking at #21, it wasn’t that big of a hit, either. At least it fit the sound of the times.

13. Muse

Muse, along with Coldplay and Radiohead, are the face of Alternative music. And really, Rush has the perfect sound for radio, with silly bombast rocking everywhere on the mix. And since they’re one of the biggest names in music now, even opening for U2, you’d expect lots and lots of hit. But their only hit was “Uprising”, which, just like Rush, peaked fairly low in the top 40, at #37. You’d expect a band like this to have lots of hits. But nope.

12. Garth Brooks

It’s likely that no country artist has been quite as massive a success as the forever terribly dressed Garth Brooks. With more country hits than probably anyone else, you’d expect massive success on this side of the radio too, or at least “Friends in Low Places”. But what happened is a little more complicated. In 1999, Brooks was planned to star in a movie about a fictional musician named Chris Gaines. But while he made an album around the concept as a fake greatest hits, along with playing as Gaines on an episode of SNL hosted by him, the movie never came to fruition. And through making more of a pop album then anything else, he got a hit in the ballad “Lost in You”.

11. Beck

Beck is one of the most unusual musicians who managed to actually become a success. After being literally homeless, he suddenly hit it big with his album Mellow Gold, and with the hit “Loser”. After that, he quickly became one of the most versatile artists to perform since the 60s, switching between everything ever. But while some of his albums were hits, like Odelay, he never had a hit like “Loser” again. Probably because random rapping was really big in the 90s. I can’t explain it. I wasn’t even alive.

Prog Rock

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 21:18:00 -0700

Back in the early 20th century, there were two contemporary styles of music that had quickly become extremely popular with audiences. While jazz was one of the biggest forms of music during the 20s and 30s, Blues kept underground, until around the 50s, where it evolved into Rock ‘n’ Roll, where it dominated. This continued to evolve in this way up to around the late 60s. But up to this point, jazz and blues, now most popular as rock, never really fused together, outside of Captain Beefheart. But then, these two forces were fused, and out came one of the most polarizing genres ever. Its name was Prog.

The first real prog album was In the Court of the Crimson King, but we already discussed that. So let’s go to the second major release of prog, Hot Rats by Frank Zappa. Released the same year as King Crimson, Hot Rats was the first real sign that Zappa, was not only a genius, but completely insane. With over 47 minutes of instrumentals, outside of a cut by Captain Beefheart, the album was far more complex than Zappa’s previous work, with several songs over 8 minutes in length, with the longest, “Willie the Pimp”, at 17. And with this album, Zappa showed that you really shouldn’t care about what other people think about your music, because you’re goddamned Frank Zappa. And with those two albums, Prog Rock had been put out there, to dominate the 70s.

As soon as the 70s started, Prog Rock was big. Due to the increase of drugs on the average record buyer, people could now sit through 16 minutes of guitar solos, while a man raves about the beast from the cave of the abyss. Bands who never would have succeeded in the past had become huge, instead of mocked for their ideas on music. Bands like Yes, Genesis, and Emerson, Lake and Palmer had all become huge hits with the masses. Pink Floyd became the second biggest band in the world, after Led Zeppelin. For seven years, Prog was at the forefront of what was “cool” music, for people who wouldn’t listen to disco. And there were many styles of Prog at this time. There was the harder stuff, like Yes, the dark and brooding, like Pink Floyd, the whimsical, like Jethro Tull, whatever the hell Emerson, Lake and Palmer counts as, and the sonic landscapes of Tangerine Dream. But then it all crashed down, because of a little thing called Punk.

Punk was essentially the anti-prog, based around short songs with three chords and social lyrics. There were miles in between the sounds of Yes and the Ramones. So naturally, Prog had to change for the times. But its first try was not the best. The first try was ELP’s Love Beach, one of the most hated albums in existence. Going for more of a disco sound, the album appealed to no one, and never found a future audience. After that, and with only two classic prog albums released in that time (The Wall and Peter Gabriel III), a second attempt was made, and this time it worked, but destroyed what prog was. It was Asia. With “Heat of the Moment”, Asia showed that prog bands could continue, if they sounded nothing like prog. And now, every prog band just stopped making difficult music, and made generic 80s rock, except for King Crimson, who went on doing whatever they felt like. Bands like Yes and Genesis suddenly had huge pop hits, with “Owner of a Lonely Heart” and “Land of Confusion”. But eventually, even that fell apart at the 90s, when Grunge took over. Then, Prog was officially dead, until around the late 90s, when Progressive Metal was born, but that’s for another day. And Yes’s new album Fly from Here, who knows. Maybe it’s time for a comeback.

Essential Listening

Close to the Edge-Yes
Court of the Crimson King-King Crimson
Dark Side of the Moon-Pink Floyd
Brain Salad Surgery-Emerson, Lake and Palmer

Today, I don’t feel like posting anything, so here’s...

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 20:14:52 -0700

Today, I don’t feel like posting anything, so here’s a musical endurance test. In the comments, please post how far you got. I’d love to find the average.

10 Things Pop Music Needs to Stop Doing

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 20:08:00 -0700

Pop music has gotten awfully stagnant in the last few years. We’re not having the radical stylings of many artists recently, instead having either the club pop or your stereotypical bland love ballad. So I feel like at this point, more than any other, I can make a list like this. So here are my…

10 Things Pop Music Needs To Stop Doing

Note: Instead of a normal top ten list, this is non ranked article of what I think should stop, though the last one is the most painful, in my opinion.

1. Autotune used incorrectly, otherwise known as correctly.

We’ve all talked at some point how annoying auto tune is when used by artists T-Pain and Ke$ha, but that isn’t what annoys me. When they used auto tune, they use it to build a character, typically as a parody of pop music in general. What annoys me is when other artists just use it to cover up their inability to sing. When actual singers like Jason Derulo use it, that’s when it annoys me. If you are a professional singer, you should not be using a vocal correcting system. Effectively, you remove everything that makes a singer interesting, all the mistakes throughout the song.

2. The faux-anthem.

Songs try way to hard to be powerful these days. Now, they try to make every song just an anthem for all the kids, to dance to and call really important to them, because children are stupid. Hell, LMFAO called their song “Party Rock Anthem.” They’re not even hiding their intentions. All these bands are tryingg so hard to be as anthemic as Boston now. Only one band ever worked at being Boston, and that’s Foreigner. Besides, “I WAnt to Know What Love Is” has a way more powerful meaning behind it than “Everybody in the club get your ass on the floor.”

3. The random girl on the chorus.

This is mostly a recent trend, starting around Lo Rida’s “Right Round”. Without this song, Ke$ha’s career probably never would have taken off as it did. And ever sine that song, it’s just popped up everywhere. Suddenly, songs need this random woman on the chorus to sing a tiny part of the same lie over and over again. If you’re gonna give a person a “ft.” credit for something like this, you might as well feature the guy whose chair squeaked during recording.

4. The pointless rap verse.

This may have started back in around the 90s, but it’s gotten pretty bad lately. Nowadays, every song needs a sudden rap in the middle of it, which typically does nothing but completely break the mood you were going for. Not every song suddenly needs Lil Wayne in the middle of it. Even Bruce Springsteen started doing this on his latest album, on “Rocky Ground”. Just be happy it wasn’t him rapping.

5. 90% chorus

Sometimes it feels like songs don’t even attempt anything outside of a chorus. Typically, a song is structured at having about 2 verses, 3 choruses, and a bridge. That’s how it’s worked throughout most of music’s history. But then, recently, we decided the rest of the music doesn’t matter. So now we have songs with 2 verses that are about 16 bars each, a chorus after each of those about as long as the verse, followed by just repetitions of the chorus for over half the song at the end. And this just isn’t pop music here, either. In “Pumped Up Kicks, that is literally the whole song. What I’m saying, songwriters need to work harder.

6. Overt sampling.

Back when sampling was first used in a big way, it was cool. It was pretty awesome to hear one of your favorite songs used in another song, and that went well for a while. But then, Biz Markie had to be sued for sampling, and it just took a nosedive. You couldn’t make whole new songs just by sampling everything at once now, or you’d have to pay more than a house for it. Now, when people sample, all you get is the original song with new lyrics. And while sometimes this can still be awesome, it’s usually just really stupid. J. R. Rotem, take note; sampling is something that should be used occasionally, instead of just as a crutch when you’re not feeling creative.

7. Extreme Use of Synthesizers

Remember back in the 80s, when we hated all the rampant synthesizers? Well now it’s even worse. At least back then, you could expect some guitar work somewhere buried in the mix. Now, it seems like all our music is programmed entirely on a computer, with some guitar thrown in for “depth”. Back in the olden days, if you made a song made entirely out of electronic music, you better have been Thomas Dolby or you were straight into a niche market. Now, it’s the only market. Say what you will about “Since U Been Gone”, but that actually worked in a live music setting. Songs like this just… don’t.

8. Fake emotion.

Remember about a year ago when all the news about teen suicides came out, and along with that all the pop stars writing songs about it? That’s what I’m talking about. The idea that about a week after the news, all the major pop stars wrote, recorded, produced, and released these songs is ridiculous. These aren’t meant to be songs about this. These are songs cashing in on emotions after a tragedy to make money. And that’s all it is, a desperate plea for money based on your emotions. With Lady Gaga, it makes sense, because that’s what she does. But with everyone else, it’s just wrong.

9. Not tackling real problems.

Back in the 70s, even our pop music had power to it. “Living in the City” is one of the most political songs ever made, and it was a huge hit. But now, pop music needs to be safe. We won’t even let really charged music to make it on our charts. Everything needs to be about love or sadness. If you wrote a song about racial injustice, you are not allowed anywhere near the charts. And I actually respect country music for this. Country music isn’t afraid to speak its mind about things like the war and politics, and guess what? It’s more interesting because of it.

10. Allowing Chris Brown to still have a career.

Let me take you back a couple decades. As soon as Ike hit Tina, he wasn’t allowed a career. As soon as Bobby Brown hit Whiteny Houston, he didn’t have a career. And yet we still allow Chris Brown to perform. Tell me, what does that say about today’s culture and pop world? What does it say that while Ike Turner, one of the most talented men in music, died widely hated for what he did, while Chris Brown gets to sleep on a pile of fans who let hime punch them in the face. Something is very wrong with pop music, and this is what’s worse than anything else.

I Have No Proper Image For How Much I Hate This Song

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 17:31:00 -0700

Let me get this straight, right out in the open. What I am about to talk about is what I consider to be, without question, the worst song I’ve ever heard. Not joking. What I am about to talk about today is literally the worst thing ever foisted on human ears. “Look at me Now”? “Ass”? “Stupid Hoe”? “Alone”? Those are nothing compared to this one song, this one contained piece of sonic horror. I gave “Stupid Hoe” a nothing in my review, but this song is less than nothing, because it’s something. “Stupid Hoe” mainly just baffled me completely with its sheer stupidity. This song makes me angrier than anything else ever could. That song is “My First Kiss” by 3oh!3.

I guess we should talk about the band first. 3oh!3, besides having the single stupidest band name this side of Audioslave, are a crunkcore duo from Colorado, who released their first album in 2007, but didn’t get recognition until their song “Don’t Trust Me”, off their second album. After this, they collaborated a lot with Ke$ha, which fits, because they look like a dumpster vomited on the 80s. Anyway their first compilation was the detestable “Blah Blah Blah”, one of the worst songs of the last 5 years. But then they released “My First Kiss”, and my brain just melted.

I’m not going to do an actual review this time, because if I had to analyze every single line, I’d probably throw everything, then myself, out the window. So instead, I’m going to go over everything I hate about this song, point by point.

Ke$ha has the most grating voice in music.
Quite simply, in her pop made mind, Ke$ha simply can not sing, it grates on your ears until nothing is left but bloody stumps. And it’s most obvious on this song, where her voice just sounds like she’s so smack dab in love with herself. It’s awful.

3oh!3 have no real personality.
With Ke$ha on the track, there’s really no point for 3oh!3 on this song. They both have the same generic party character that’s been used constant times, and having them both on the same song not once, but twice, is just amazingly stupid.

The Lyrics are beyond asinine.
The lyrics through out this song are simply DUMB. Everything about these guys is just gross to the touch, and so imaging them kissing other people just makes it even grosser. I’m worried they’ll spread an infection of awful. And the fact that the lyrics are all in the present tense says some kind of sad things about 3oh!3. Apparently they had their first kiss in their 20s. how sad.

The Instrumentation is stupid.
I can always overlook bad lyrics if the music is good. One of my favorite pop songs is “Toxic”, and that has amazingly awful lyrics. But here, everything about the music is awful. During the verses, all you get is this annoying step clap beat that everyone should have stopped using after “We Will Rock You”, and the occasional blaring guitar chord. The choruses are slightly better, but greatly suffer from just an annoying guitar riff over the same drums. So the music is bad too.

Going oooooooooooooooooooo is annoying.
These guy’s aren’t exactly Mariah Carey. They have no business trying to put melisma into a song this vapid.

THE KISSING NOISES.
Really, this is what made me decide to hate this song more than any other. The kissing noises they use in the song, most notably in the intro, are horrible to listen too, and it feels like someones spitting right into my ear. It’s gross, and I never want to hear it again.

And that is why I hate this song so much. It’s stupid, it’s gross, and it’s just BAD. Don’t listen to this, don’t go anywhere near it.

The Switch from Singles to Albums

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 20:30:49 -0700

These days, not a lot of classic albums are being made with the frequency that they were back in the 70s. I don’t know this for a fact, due to me not even being alive back then, but it really does feel like that. For example, let’s look back at 2011, and list all the albums most likely to be remembered in 20+ years:

21-Adele
Watch the Throne-Jay-Z and Kanye West

And that’s pretty much it. Every other album was either a flash in the pan hit or is going to be overshadowed by the artists other work. Now, let’s look at, say, 1971, and look at all the albums frequently cited as classic released then:

There’s a Riot Going On-Sly and the Family Stone
What’s Going On-Marvin Gaye
Who’s Next-The Who
Tapestry-Carole King
Shaft-Issac Hayes
At Fillmore East-The Allman Brothers Band
Sticky Fingers-The Rolling Stones
Imagine-John Lennon
Led Zeppelin IV-Led Zeppelin
Every Picture Tells a Story-Rod Stewart
Blue-Joni Mitchell
Maggot Brain-Funkadelic
Pearl-Janis Joplin
Electric Warrior-T. Rex
Hunky Dory- David Bowie

And remember, that was all from one year. And this pretty much happened for that full decade. Now let’s look at singles. If you look at a list of the best selling singles ever, you’ll see that a majority of them, as in selling over 5 million copies, come from either the 21st century or pre-1965. Obviously, the emphasis changed throughout these three times, with an ambiguity spot of the 80s and 90s. Now the question is, why did this change in that time span? Well, if you really want to know, allow me to explain.

Back in the 50s, no one cared about albums. The only records that really sold were the singles, while the records were whatever single was big at the time, backed with whatever the singer had as filler, or the song written by the drummer. Just as an example, the highest selling single ever is Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” (insert joke about racism here), at 50 million copies, but you’d never see the parent album Merry Christmass is pretty much forgotten, selling a comparatively paltry 15 million, which puts it nowhere near the best selling albums of all time. And many classic songs were only released as singles, until compiled on a collection or greatest hits. Classics like “I Want to Hold Your Hand” or “Jumping Jack Flash” or “Maybellene” were never released on albums, until collected on a compilation. And several classic songs come from albums now pretty much forgotten, like “What’d I Say” or “Johnny B. Goode” (Even though Chuck Berry is on Top, its parent album, is actually very excellent). I know you’re probably tired of lists in this article, but here is a basic list of actual real albums from the 50s that are considered to have held up in time:

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning-Frank Sinatra
Birth of the Cool-Miles Davis
Kind of Blue-Miles Davis
Songs For Swinging Lovers!-Frank Sinatra
Chirpin’ Crickets-The Crickets
Elvis Presley-Elvis Presley

And that’s a whole decade. Clearly, people weren’t focused on albums at the time. And this continued up to around 1965, when an album was released that really changed on how albums were viewed. And that album was Rubber Soul.

I think we can all agree that the Beatles really changed everything about music, from the well known, like psychedelic elements outside of Captain Beefheart, to the less well known, like being the first to make stadium shows a standard. But even they couldn’t break from this strand when they were new. While Please Please Me is a great album, a lot of it is really filler. Sure, filler that would be any other artists biggest hit, but still filler. And this continued for about 5 years, putting out albums that still suffered from some songs for the sake of having them. But then, with the release of Rubber Soul, they finally showed that you could have an album of good music all the way through. And every other important artist noticed. After this, Bob Dylan, The Beach Boys, the Byrds, and the Kinks all made their masterpieces in the same year, fully cohesive album experiences. Even the Beatles learned from themselves, and made their masterpiece Revolver on year later. And this continued all the way through to the end of the 70s. And really, this continued through to the 80s; the only reason we thing otherwise is because of how we, for some reason, remember the one hit wonders more from around that time then anywhere else. But that’s a topic for another time. Back on topic, something then changed again in the 80s, and that was the internet.

Around the 90s, recored executives started being concerned over the success of singles. All of a sudden, at this moment, where no one cared about singles as anything but the background to a music video, they believed that singles would cause album sales to drop. So, instead of realizing what decade they lived in, they stopped releasing singles. And this was back when Billboard only ranked hits by number of physical releases, leaving many hit songs never actually being hits, even “Buddy Holly” by Weezer, one of the most well remembered songs from the decade. So, after everyone complained about the charts being rigged, Billboard finally backed down and allowed download and airplay hits to be counted as well, with the first airplay hit being “Try Again” by Aaliyah. But because of this, we switched back towards the singles dominated world of pre-1965. Since songs, not albums, are played on the radio, and that’s what counts for a success, albums are by the wayside again. I’ll bet half the kids these days can’t name Wiz Khalifa’s album, and he’s one of the hit artists right now. And that’s where we are now, with the same mindset towards music we had pre-1965. Maybe eventually, we’ll go back to making truly classic albums, but that time looks distant for now.

And now, as a last thing before I end, here are the current best selling albums and songs of all time:

Albums

Thriller-Michael Jackson
The Dark Side of the Moon-Pink Floyd
Back in Black-AC/DC
The Bodyguard-Whitney Houston
Bat Out of Hell-Meat Loaf
Their Greatest Hits(1971-1975)-Eagles
Dirty Dancing-Various Artists
Come On Over-Shania Twain
Saturday Night Fever-Bee Gees
Rumours-Fleetwood Mac

Singles

White Christmas-Bing Crosby
Candle in the Wind-Elton John
Silent Night-Bing Crosby
Rock Around the Clock-Bill Haley
It’s Now or Never-Elvis Presley
We Are the World-USA For Africa
If I Didn’t Care-Ink Spots
Yes Sir, I Can Boogie-Baccara
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer- Gene Autrey
Lady-Kenny Rogers

A Video I Enjoyed

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 20:18:06 -0700

Hi everybody. Unfortunately, due to a busy weekend, I do not have the time to write a post today. Instead, here is a link to a video that I liked, that made a point about Chris Brown that makes the point better then I ever could.

http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/teamt/tis/tpsr/34549-turn-up-the-music

Watch that, while I come up with a new review for Wednesday. Bye! And after that, follow this:

http://trollingchrisbrown.tumblr.com/

Why Born in the USA is the Most Overrated Album of All Time

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 21:07:00 -0700

Now I love Bruce Springsteen as much as next guy. The man is one of the most important people working in music today, and in my opinion, has only made one bad album in his whole career. But, as it so happens, it’s also one of the most famous albums ever made, and easily one of the most critically acclaimed. But quite frankly, I’ve never seen it. I’m talking about Born in the USA.

Now to give some back story on the album. Before it, Bruce Springsteen was marketed as essentially the next Bob Dylan. This was especially evident in the album right before this, Nebraska, which was performed entirely by Bruce Springsteen on a 4-track cassette. But after that, he decided he needed something new, and with the 80s moving into full swing, it was the perfect time to do so. So he put on a noticeable amount of muscle, added synthesizers to his already huge E Street Band and recorded the biggest album of the 80s this side of Prince. And with that album, he officially broke into the mainstream, with his record setting 7 hit singles, tied with Janet and Michael Jackson. And the album has stayed in the public eye for nearly 30 years, with one of the most famous covers of all time.

But the important thing is how does the music holds up after all that time. Honestly, it really doesn’t. Just like Thriller, it really gets bogged down as an album of its time. And an album of its time is not an absolute bad thing. Dark Side of the Moon couldn’t have come out at any time besides the early 70s, and it’s one of the greatest albums ever recorded. But if you wanted to be a sound from your time, being the sound of 80s rock is not the best idea in the world. There’s a reason we don’t speak of Bon Jovi anymore. And before anyone accuses me of bashing Thriller, it’s a fantastic album all the way through. There’s not a bad song on it. But what made it work wasn’t the large amounts of synthesizers and drum machines, it was the passion that Jackson put behind every performance. And Eddie Van Halen. But Born in the USA doesn’t have that. Despite the excellence of the music, Springsteen isn’t the worlds greatest singer. Sure, he can hit pitch fine, but the Jersey accent really detracts, besides really clashing with cheesy synth tunes like the title track.

Speaking of which, there are the songs. These songs are considered some of the anthems of their generation. And really, they’re not. There are good ideas buried in here, like the story behind “Born in the USA” or the hidden mockery of nostalgia freaks “Glory Days”. But it’s all buried under the first synth tone Springsteen found on a cheap brand, that gives the whole album just this cheap demo sound. There’s only really one song on the album I kinda like, and that’s “I’m on Fire”. And with “Born in the USA”, the real problem is the clash between the music and sound. A song that basically throws a middle finger to the treatment of veterans by America should not sound this patriotic and anthemic. If Springsteen had handed it to someone like Bad Brains, I would like it a whole lot more, but as it stands, it’s just stupid.

And that really reflects my opinions on the album as a whole. It’s really just stupid, made for mass consumption by teenage girls who will claim to be his biggest fan off one album. Nothing on the album stands out in any way, instead just lying around on its own lineage and history, like if Paris Hilton was an album. I’m not saying that if you like this album, you’re a bad person. All I’m saying is if I wanted a Synth-heavy album by a famous artist, I’d choose ZZ Top’s Eliminator.

One Final Note

Sun, 11 Mar 2012 20:09:09 -0700

And on my two articles already today, I would just like to say that the new Bruce Springsteen album, Wrecking Ball, is really good. So if you get a new album — get this one.

Rumours: an Album Review

Sun, 11 Mar 2012 20:09:02 -0700

Fleetwood Mac has a very… interesting history behind them. Starting off in 1967 as a blues band, they had their first success with the original “Black Magic Woman”, now more famous for the cover by Santana off of Abraxas. However, the original line-up of the band broke up in 1970, followed by a second line up that no one cares about. However, as soon as they hit their third line-up, they became one of the biggest bands on the planet. Starting off with the first album with this line-up, Fleetwood Mac, it was not only clear this was a new start, but a big one. Critically acclaimed and highly successful, they had to follow that up in a big way. And oh boy, did they.

Rumours might have the most tumultuous history of any album, even more than Spiderland. This was a band that had no reason to be with each other. A band comprised of break-ups, most famously with Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks, the album is full of the some of the angriest soft rock ever recorded. And boy, did it sell. Rumours remains one of the best selling albums ever, staying at #1 on the charts for 31 weeks. Back in the 70s, this album was impossible to avoid (I assume). But is it really all that great? Well, it’s time to find out in…

Rumours: an Album Review

1. Second Hand News

With the opening song, the album starts with some repeated jangly guitar work, with the vocals quickly coming in and setting the mood for the rest of the album; bitter towards everything. And it sets the other mood of the album; soft rock with anger behind it, even though it comes off as trite. It’s bouncy off to be enjoyable, but overall, it’s just rather mediocre.

2. Dreams

I think I should get something out of the way just here and now; I despise Stevie Nicks. If she wasn’t in Fleetwood Mac, they would be a far better band. Quite simply, she simply cannot sing, and it’s this horrible high pitched shriek that makes my ears melt. And the only thing keeping her solo career from being utterly worthless is “Stop Dragging My Heart Around”, and that’s because of Tom Petty. Anyway, this song sucks. It’s boring, monotonous, and has Stevie Nicks cooing over everything. Skip it.

3. Never Going Back Again

Starting off with some guitar noodling, the vocals quickly come in, telling the same story the rest of the album tells. And really, that’s it. As the shortest song on the album, it never really evolves, staying the same throughout its two minute length. Not much to it really.

4. Don’t Stop

As the most straightforward pop song on the album, instead of the bleak, angry tone the rest of the album takes, this song is optimistic, and is about always about looking forwards to the future, instead of the past. Too bad the rest of the band couldn’t take that message. While covered in 70s cheese, most primarily in the abrupt synthesizers, this is a genuinely good song.

5. Go Your Own Way

No. 4

6. Songbird

Starting off with some nice piano and guitar, the vocals come in, and I start thinking about the Beatles. The opening of this does sound like a start to one of Paul’s sappier filler songs. But eventually, the song does get boring, with the same melody throughout the whole thing. It’s a pretty song, but they’re isn’t much to it. Honestly though, it’s one of the better songs on the album.

7. The Chain

I’m going to admit, this song is pretty awesome. It’s probably the best on the album. Unlike most of the tepid hits on the album, the anger here actually feels real, and it ends up kicking a lot of ass with memorable instruments and great performances all around, even from Stevie Nicks. As a band more than any other song on the album, the whole song is excellent, and easily stands the test of time better than the rest of the album, along with “Go Your Own Way.”

8. You Make Loving Fun

Well I admit, I always like some clavichord. One of the more unique songs on the album, this song is damn funky, and has a great feeling behind it. It seems like during this time, Christine McVie was the only one who was still overall happy in life, instead of writing angst ballads before Alanis Morisette made it cool. Also, just wanted to say that Christine might have the most asexual voice in music history. Overall, another great song.

9. I Don’t Wanna Know

Starting with your typical acoustic pattern, the vocals and drums quickly come in, and gives the song a pretty fun atmosphere to it, and I like it. But then Stevie Nicks starts taking dominance in my head, and it just makes everything sound wrong to me. It’s so much higher than the rest of the song. Also, the song is very repetitive, with the same basic guitar over and over, and some annoying clapping. Overall, it’s pretty bland.

10. Oh Daddy

We start the song with a large folky atmosphere, and Christine comes in and starts singing. Two things to note; first, she’s much less androgynous in her voice, and second, this song is easily the worst on the album. Nothing really goes on in the song, and she suddenly lost the happy atmosphere her voice previously had on the album. Also, none of the instruments really match with the rest. Overall, skip this song entirely.

11. Gold Dust Woman

And now we have the last song on the whole album, starting off with some ominous music across all instruments. But then Stevie Nicks just has to ruin the whole thing for me with her awful voice, or shriek to be more realistic. But every time her voice leaves, and the instruments reign, or when there’s harmonies, the song becomes pretty awesome, especially when the distortion turns up later in the song. Overall, not one of my favorites, but a fitting closer.

And there we have one of the most critically acclaimed albums in history. And overall, it’s still pretty good from my perspective. Not the masterpiece that most people hype it up to be, but still one of the better break-up albums that I’ve heard, up there with Sea Change.

Score: B+

Best Track: The Chain

Worst Track: Oh Daddy

Friendship Is Magic and What It Shows About Society

Sun, 11 Mar 2012 20:08:58 -0700

Hello everybody. Two things to say before I start the actual article. First of all, thank you all for getting me to 100+ followers. I really do feel honored. Secondly, I’m sorry this article was late, something came up on Wednesday. So today, I’m doing two articles. This one is the celebration for making it to 100+ followers, and isn’t really about music at all. Instead, it’s about my other passion; kids shows that also appeal to adults. So, I present to you…

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and What it Means about Society

I’ll just come out and say it up front; I absolutely love this show. It’s probably my favorite show on TV until Community comes back. Maybe I love it because of its strong characters, tight writing, excellent animation, good message, and all around tight production. Or maybe I love it for the community that has taken over the internet for the time being, bronies.

There have always been fan bases for kids cartoons made of teenagers watching it completely unironically, ranging from action based shows that seemed to have this alternate audience partially in mind, like The Powerpuff Girls, to shows designed for toddlers to learn about shapes and colors, like Sesame Street or Yo Gabba Gabba. And recently, two channels have really taken advantage of this. One is Cartoon Network, with their trio of Adventure Time, Regular Show, and Gumball, all managing to become huge hits with older audiences. The other is The Hub, Hasbro’s television line primarily based on their licenses, with Transformers, and of course, My Little Pony.

But while most peripheral fan bases remain rather small from our point of view, bronies exploded on the internet, becoming one of the domineering forces in some sections. Just for reference, the popular pony blog Equestria Daily reached 100,000,000 page views two months ago, and is still climbing every day. clearly, this has become one of the biggest internet phenomenons we’ve seen in a long time. And with a fan base this big, it was clear of what would emerge, people who “hate” on the show and its fan base. But I think this one reveals something special about people, even after everything we’ve done to stop things like this.

Note: If you genuinely don’t like the show, as in, you dislike and have actually seen some of it, I am not talking about you. This is for people who hate the show based purely on the aesthetic. If you dislike the show on its own merits, more power to you.

1. Sexism is still prevalent in our society.

As said before, almost every kids show gets a fan base around it who genuinely love it for what it is. But really, this applies for two thirds of kids shows, shows aimed at young boys, or are asexual. Girls shows never get this kind of retroactive love. You hear people talk about how awesome Thundercats is, but never about Rainbow Brite or the like. To them, these shows are plain crap. But then comes along a show aimed at 7 year old girls, and guys like myself fall in love with it. And what happens then? People are called things like “faggot” for liking shows filled with pastel ponies who sing. And besides being homophobic, this just shows the prejudice on girl’s shows in our society. Because we love a girl’s show, we aren’t given the internet rights other fans get. If a brony writes fan fiction, it’s weird. If a brony creates artwork for a character, it’s weird. And that’s not even getting a weird stuff. People say that all bronies want to have sex with the characters, because there are a few vocal people on the internet who want to do this. You want to know what else has this? Every fan base in the history of pop culture. And it’s all because we watch a girl’s show.

2. People are afraid of what’s new.

Ever since the 80s, we have been given the idea that My Little Pony is something that should get nothing but contempt, as a lowest common denominator kids show that only the stupidest of girls would like. And now that we have a part of the series that has earned general acclaim from most viewers, the internet, of course, has to attack it as the end of the world as we know it. It’s because we’ve been hardwired in our heads to hate overtly girly shows, not based on the actual quality, but on what was already established to us. It’s because we’re afraid of having a new opinion put into our head, so we just stay with the status quo. When people bash this show online without actually watching, they’re actually bashing the continued perception of it, established by the previous generations. And if you haven’t watched the show yet, I recommend you do. And frankly, if this is the end of the world as we know, I feel fine.